Im talking about something slightly different.

To clarify, it might seem strange to new viewers when they watch Ricky LausMr.

Vampireand find the vampires are hopping ghouls in jaunty hats, a far cry from the wests Count Dracula.

But thats not weird at all by eastern standards.

The jiangshi (hopping vampire) dates back as far as the Qing Dynasty in Chinese folklore.

Sounds like a standard kung fu plot but theres a twist.

directly into the camera).

Basically, imagine that a small child watchedGame Of Deathand then tried to explain the plot.

Play this explanation backwards.

Youre nearly atTrue Game Of Death.

Bruce is played by three different (anonymous) actors.

The director is credited as Steve and the female lead as Alice.

The twist is that its Alice who poisoned him, but dont worry.

He returns from the grave, shouts It takes more than poison to kill me!

Everyone looks like theyre in cheap, ill-fitting fancy dress.

The pagoda itself is a chintzy, salmon-pink monstrosity and any fight choreography is just gurning and handslaps.

Horrendous but unforgettably so.

so they call in Sho Kosugi, who wears a Mindhorn-style eyepatch and brings the lasers.

The final fight here is really something else.

Theres also a distinct lack of jade daggers.

fans of old memes may ask.

Theres a gang of bandits who call themselves Heartbreak Red.

They specialize in ruining peoples weddings.

The effects of drinking the magical elixir, when revealed in the final fight, are way beyond barmy.

The maddest part of this hugely entertaining film, however, is the dubbed dialogue in the English print.

Well, youre no four-king good!

And youve just gotta love that.

It has a freaky flamboyant aesthetic, all cobwebs, skeletons and devil masks.

who has some vampires in his employ.

Said dialogue is pretty strange too.

If he wins, he can prevent the US being nuked by Russia.

What can I say?

It was the 80s.

Just go with it.

While magical/fantasy martial arts are commonplace in the genre, here theyre taken to ludicrous levels.

This puts her at an advantage when it comes to doing monkey style kung fu but she doesnt care.

All she wants is to be human and pretty.

is perhaps unique amongst training montages.

The result is almost 100% incoherent.

An evil Japanese scientist called Tanaka invented a biological weapon in WWII.

Everyone wears dayglo neon and speaks in riddles.

Larry, one of the ninjas, claims to be a master of Hocus Pocus style kung fu (!

), which means he can shoot flames out of his fingers.

Theres a McGuffin chase for something called the Golden Horns.

She shakes her head sadly as she realises her life has been a lie.

Shame she couldnt have worked that out before really.

replies the other, mishearing them for no discernible reason).

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