Don’t want to go boldly into dating disaster on Valentine’s Day?
Beam these Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes onto your screen.
So youre not into mail-order teddy bears or heart-shaped boxes of bonbons.
Neither is the crew of the Starship Enterprise.
Even the homo sapiens on board (with the possible exception of Riker) arent exactly temptresses or Casanovas.
The atmosphere isnt programmed for seduction when Deanna shows up in her fiancees doorway.
Wyatt strides in with an underhanded insult in hand.
The arguments between the future in-laws at the dinner table are also not to be missed.
Even her pretty terrifying governess isnt enough to make him want to beam himself to his room.
He ignores all the warnings about what this teenage head-of-state crush has been hiding.
Salia herself then turns clawed, fanged and extremely hairy.
Talk about the most memorable first kiss ever.
Her mate of choice?
Captain Picard, who is put off by her blatant come-ons.
He then escapes to a Dick-Tracy-esque program on the holodeck to make himself unavailable.
Never mind an impending battle; things on the personal front dont exactly look too promising.
Klingons are about as romantic as their battle grunts might suggest.
Not to mention colder than an android in a freezer.
However, if theres one thing that can melt this abominable snowman, its electric pink Spandex.
She snaps that she will never be his wife and effectively kills the ambience.
Even more awkward than a holographic romance a la Lwaxana Troi?
Who cares if its off by a small percentage?
Evidently he misses that one detail about her peoples long history of blood feuds.
it doesnt seem that the shy humanoid blonde with the ridged forehead is capable of murder.
When he turns his phaser on her for the last time, it isnt set on Stun.
Cue the song I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Vaporize Her).
Lwaxanas only hope for escape is seducing Togs access code out of him with an erotic ear massage.
Not that he intends to keep her on board.
Moment of epic awkwardness:That ear massage.
Mrs. Troi gets major props for daring to touch those with freshly manicured nails.
She hasnt picked the best messenger.
Datas objective programming leads him to think that the decision to call the wedding off is good news.
Data backs off, and the wedding is back on.
Their fighting rouses the guards, who haul him off to the dungeon.
Vash herself is later thrown in with him when she tries to escape on her own.
Bonus: Worf as Will Scarlet and Data as Friar Tuck are the stuff of legend.
They even keep at it during the trial (hardly the best way to keep ones head attached).
She isnt on the same wavelength.
Jenna still finds Data intriguing even after his fumbling attempts to understand emotion.
Data turns to the crew for his experiment.
Moment of epic awkwardness:The whole episode.
There is absolutely nothing this android can get right about romance.
This article first ran on Valentines Day 2016.
We didnt see any reason not to loop back and try, though.
