But like all terrible movies includingPlan 9 theres much to love aboutJaws: The Revenge.
What image would set the tone of a horror sequel about a giant shark?
Most pertinently, how would you top the unsettling opening shark attack in Steven Spielbergs original?
The opening scene, weird though it is, tells us this: Ellen Brody eats fish for breakfast.
Merry Christmas, readers.
How doesThe Revenges shark know which plane to follow to the Bahamas?
Theres a telepathic link, it seems, between Ellen Brody and the Great White.
Maybe Ellen Brody stole the witch doctors parking space at a supermarket once we just dont know.
At any rate, its possible this brilliantly mad idea was trimmed from the films shooting script.
Look closely, and you might actually see the lady wrap a fond arm around the sharks snout.
Jaws: The Revenges various continuity blunders and other technical errors are almost incalculably numerous.
Sections of a boat are shown to be broken in some scenes, and in perfect repair in others.
Theres blood in the water before the first shark attacks taken place.
Ellen Brody wears shoes of varying colours in alternate shots in the same scene.
Oxygen tanks change from yellow to black and back again.
As well see later, the real ending is actually more outlandish than this.
The finest and most commonly celebrated continuity error, though, is one involving co-star Michael Caine.
In a weird sort of way, were rather grateful they didnt.
The ships bowspit slices into the creatures side, spearing it like a sausage on a cocktail stick.
Then the shark explodes for no discernible reason at all.
How much of an electrical charge would it’s crucial that you blow up a 30-foot-long Great White?
Now theres an experiment wed like to see.
No matter: both endings are completely bizarre and, in their own ways, quite wonderful.
I need a couple of boats fast, and someone who can kill a shark.
If I fly any faster, thisll turn into a flying liquidiser and well all be diced into oblivion.
Far from frustrated by this, Caine was quite philosophical about the whole experience.
However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.
And what a film.
Now let us never speak of it again.
