Ive had a long day at work, and Im tired.
This is because Im an idiot, and I watched the shows final episode before going to bed.
Other times, well… its your own fault.
If you watch a film about nuclear war, youre gonna have a bad time.
Is nothing sacred anymore?
Put the remote down.
Go do something nice instead, like a jigsaw puzzle.
This bleak BBC film should perhaps have been called The Cold War deleted scenes and alternate ending.
There are no theatrics, there is no action movie style heroic body flinging.
The reaction is realistic and very human.
One man manages to utter the words Theyve gone and done it, theyve bloody gone and done it.
A woman nearby drops her shopping on the ground and wets herself.
If there was ever an opposite of Hollywood, it surely has to be Sheffield.
Back then, this was the very pinnacle of hilarity.
During its four season run, the show covered war, sexual harassment, homophobia and drugs.
The show even took onThe Exorcist, complete with 360 degrees head-spinning.
But topping even this is the shows last ever episode, entitledChanging Nature.
The result is global cooling, and eventually the beginning of an ice age.
This is Howard Handupme, saying goodnight… Goodbye.
This comeback gets negative reviews from the media and general public.
But they are tracked down by a baying mob, and Britney is murdered.
The mob explains that this is to ensure a good corn harvest for the following year.
Okay, maybe it is a bit.
But its still creepy as hell.
This is one scene that I have never,eversought out on YouTube since originally seeing it on TV.
Despite that, I can still recall every detail.
I dont need to go into why this is such a horrifying scene.
I repeat she gets her head pushed into a deep fat fryer.
The episode, entitledLooking After Our Own, received over 250 complaints.
Debate continues over whether or not these complaints were just from guys who fancied Lisa Faulkner.
This is how the evenings proceedings are played out.
Then theyre given a knife and told to kill the other guy, already in the cage.
And that the baying crowd is entirely composed of vampires?
I probably should have mentioned that before.
Lets just stop and take stock here
1.
Youve been kidnapped
2.
Youre being made to fight to the death
3.
Youve just discovered that vampires and werewolves are real
4.
Thats how much vampires dont care about human life.
Not that vampires are real, thats just me being a weirdo.
Although I hate to think what it did for small business owners.
Arnold and Dudley befriend Mr Horton, owner of a bicycle shop in town.
And he gave them a little wine to drink.
Then he showed them some photos of himself swimming naked with some young boys.
He cautioned them not to say anything to their parents.
He said he had some even better ideas for later on.
Whats creepy is that we also see the scenes where Mr Horton is alone, plotting his next move.
However, the second part of the episode handles the situation admirably.
Luckily, Mr Drummond has already called the rozzers, who arrive to arrest Mr Horton and rescue Dudley.
When I finally managed to watched the whole two parter, I realised that the writing is brilliant.
This one stays with you because you dont really see whats going on until the end.
He meets a personal trainer called Zack, who motivates him to fight back against his family.
But Stan keeps getting fatter, and eventually the CIA suspend him because of his weight problem.
Have you guessed the twist yet?
If you havent, I probably wouldnt trust you to house-sit for me.
The episode is played out as if were inside Stans head.
And yes, you guessed it, Zack the personal trainer is a figment of Stans imagination.
Thats the fate faced by Quark, DS9s resident bar owner and scammer.
Think Dingbats, but with more mortal peril.
If he chooses the short route and his players survive, he doubles his winnings.
God, weve all been there havent we?
Eventually, after a nail biting whos it going to be?
Cue much lulz from the Wadi, while Quark is left feeling like a bit of a dick.
Also, youre doing it because some barman scammed the customers?
Id be pretty pissed off too.
In short, he is abducted by the government and taken for experiments and vivisection.
Before I bum you out too much, I should say that this isnt Alfs real ending.
The show led into a movie spinoff, during which Alf escaped from the testing facility.
They released this movie 6 years after the final episode.
Thanks a lot guys.
The show is different from normal Tom And Jerry episodes for several reasons.
A dollar from a millionaire is meaningless, but a dollar from a pauper is to be treasured.
Thats a pretty good proverb, to say I just made it up.
Thirdly, Tom and Jerry dont fight in this episode.
Last but not least, Tom kills himself at the end.
And so does Jerry.
The very last sound we hear as the cartoon fades out is the horn of an approaching train.
Im sorry if you were about to go to bed when you read this.
