Because we will never stop obsessing over Labyrinth, spandex and all.
Several decades after it was first released in theaters,Labyrinthcontinues to cast its spell on generation after generation.
Weddings with a Sarah bride and a Jareth groom, wig and all, are not unheard of.
There is evena line of perfumes based on the film.
So what exactly is it that makesLabyrinthso magical?
Maybe its the artistry.
Maybe its the music.
Maybe its the depth and breadth of Jim Hensons wondrous imagination.
Maybe its just David Bowie in spandex.
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Jim Henson has a darker side.
While we loved Kermit and Fozzie, the sinister twist ofLabyrinthhad us bewitched.
Books can be more magical than you think.
Lesson learned: lose yourself in a book long enough, and you just might end upinthe book.
Watch out for owls at your window.
You never know if its going to transfigure into a full-fledged Goblin King sometime during your next few blinks.
Think before you wish out loud.
Just dont actuallysaythat you want him to be spirited away to Jareths castle.
Speak the words and you could summon the goblins.
Things worse than your evil stepmother do exist.
Be suspicious of crystal balls.
There is only one way to do a killer smoky eye.
From the extreme wing of black liner to the white contouring, it just screamsfierce.
Who cares if beauty editors would recoil in horror?
If you think its a cakewalk, its probably impossible.
Sure, a neverending puzzle of epic proportions is no big deal to solveuntil you land in it.
Now imagine that the moment you turn your back, the thing rearranges itself.
And again and again and again until suddenly, you realize youd rather be changing Tobys diaper.
Dont slaughter anyones name more than once.
Maybe he wouldnt have been tempted into aiding and abetting Jareth if you did.
Fairies can bite and monsters can hug.
Think fairies are all sugar and sparkle dust?
There was a reason Hoggle was spraying them with some sort of bug repellantthey have a nasty bite.
Nonsensical things can make so much sense.
Getting invited to tea (and to meet the missus) by a blue worm in a scarf?
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Walking through walls to maneuver your way through the labyrinth?
The looming threat of your kid brother morphing into a goblin at the stroke of midnight?
Whatever youre told, do the opposite.
The labyrinth is just as upside-down as it is convoluted.
Always keep a lipstick in your pocket.
Nothing is scarier than an ominously ticking clock.
Throw in Jareth fast-forwarding the time by several hours and youre hyperventilating.
Walls have ears…and eyes, and horns, and hooves…
Whenever you think Jareth cant see you, his fiendishly grinning face materializes.
He also has that crystal ball and many sets of eyesand other appendagesin a swarm of goblin spies.
So if you think youve outsmarted them, chances are youll fall into an oubliette seconds later.
Your plastic bracelet is someone elses gem.
There are some things you should take literally.
Because they actually are huge talking hands that are passing you downward so you dont shatter your skull.
Glitter makes everything prettier, even certain death.
Ever notice how everything glitters in the labyrinth?
Not everyones head is screwed on right.
If it smells wrong, run.
The Bog of Eternal stench really is eternal.
Meaning, if you fall in, even chlorine wont save you.
Youre best off running in the other direction (even if you doget lost again).
Dont eat anything that looks too perfect.
Youll end up like this if you dont do your spring cleaning.
Ballgowns and puffy shirts should have never gone out of style.
How about a frothy confection of a dress thats half ballgown, half disco ball?
We only wish we could do prom all over again and show up like this.
Spandex was and always will be in.
When David Bowie wears something, it instantly turns magical.
That includes leggings so tight they might cut off your circulation.
But the fact remains that David Bowie wore it.
So no matter what #fashion is #trending on Instagram this month, spandex is pretty much immortal.
Inanimate objects are worth talking to.
Your knight in shining armor isnt who you think.
If hes brave enough to cross the Bog of Eternal Stench, hes a keeper.
It helps to have something enormous and hairy on your side.
Never mind that not many daggers or spears can get past all that fur.
Bonus: his echoing baritone can move SUV-size boulders to crush your enemy.
Your friends dont have to be mainstream.
Whether or not you call a grouchy dwarf or a horned furball your friends, normalcy is so overrated.
At least theyll throw a party in your room when you call them.
You will never getMagic Danceout of your head.
OrAs the World Falls Down.
Or the whole supernaturally brilliant soundtrack.
Youll keep asking what kind of magic spell to use and swear to move the stars for no one.
Once again, proof that anything David Bowie touches has godlike status.
Not even the Goblin King has power over you.
You have no power over me may be the most potent words ever.
