Does the villain of X-Men: Apocalypse look a little familiar?
Don’t confuse him with the guys from Avengers: Infinity War or Justice League!
Watch X-Men movies on Amazon Prime
But who are these villains?
What are their weaknesses?
Fortunately for you, weve got a complete rundown on each character.
Whos got the most embarrassing loss?
Steve Engleheart: Ill grab a 20 bag and be there in an hour.
WINNER: Darkseid, because Kirby is the King for a reason.
He accepted the throne of Apokalips and claimed his new name: Darkseid.
Nur and the dying Baal escape into a cave filled with Celestial technology.
As such, his mother tried to kill him at birth.
Somehow, this isnt what messed him up, though.
So he starts killing and dissecting things lizards at first, then other Titanians.
Hes one piece of novelty headgear away from being the dark god of mens rights activists.
Apocalypse: Depends on what kind of visuals a story called for.
He also had the ability to shoot energy blasts from his hands.
Maybe we skip The Twelve for now.
Thanos is considered super-powered by them.
So when your average-person-baseline is Thor, someone hed consider a big deal is no joke.
Hes a super-genius and a master tactician, having led armies that exterminated whole systems.
And thats not even counting all the various cosmic macguffins he usually gets his hands on.
*Note: it doesnt shout that, but everyone thinks it.
Apocalypse: Everything cool Apocalypse has he got from the Celestials.
Theres also a Life Seed, which can create new life from almost nothing, like the Genesis torpedo.
It can also counteract a Death Seed.
Seems like a wasted opportunity.The Infinity Gauntlet is Thanos real jam.
The Gauntlet itself has no power.
And when used together, the six gems give the user the ability to do anything he wants.
But at least its not math.
That son was raised to be Orion, and he traveled around the galaxy to help impede Darkseids plans.
Darkseids also reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally not a fan of Superman (like Zack Snyder!).
They have managed to fight him off, but he gives them a run for their money every time.
Apocalypse: Everybody kinda hates En Sabah Nur.
And Cyclops, I guess, if you want to be a little lax in your definition of Horseman.
But his biggest nemesis (besides a scientifically accurate understanding of Darwinism) is probably Cable.
Thanos was also historically opposed by Mar-vell, the original Captain Marvel.
Shit like You may be omniscient, but whos guarding your body!
as Mar-vell cracks launch the Cosmic Cube.
WINNER: you’ve got the option to always judge a man by the quality of his enemies.
There is no more powerful foe in all of comics than a Summers family retcon.
MINIONS
Darkseid: Darkseid is surrounded by the colorful characters youd expect from a Kirby story.
Desaad is Darkseids consiglieri, his confidant and co-conspirator, and chief torturer.
And then theres my personal favorite, Granny Goodness.
Apocalypse: You know that guy who insists on theme costumes every Halloween?
Thanos: Besides the girl hes pining after, Thanos has very little.
Corvus Glaive is a tactical genius and immortal as long as his sword is unbroken.
His wife, Proxima Midnight, is an exceptional hand-to-hand fighter.
Supergiant is a telepathic parasite, who destroys what she mind controls.
Winner: Darkseid, just for retroactively changing the entire Mary Tyler Moore Show into something BRUTAL.
Grayvens power is only matched by the mediocrity of his ambition.
Hes got limited access to the Omega Effect, which, to remind you, can teleport people.
Meanwhile, Kalibak is his firstborn, and hes just… ugh.
But he keeps screwing everything up.
Hes a putz, and Darkseid keeps killing and resurrecting him, trying to teach him a lesson.
Finally, theres Grail.
Hes not doing great on kids.
IS THAT FOR REAL?
So, shes not terrible.But Rot…
I triple dog dare you to read Rotswikientry and not hate Thanos afterwards.
WINNER: HOLY SHIT BLINKS DAD IS AKKABA.
SHES REALLY APOCALYPSES KID.
He was bald and Magneto was all salt no pepper, so lets say like, 35.
And if you were a 13-year-old reading this as it happened, your mind wasblown.
Now that Ive said it out loud,The Thanos Imperativesounds really fucking metal.
No, that doesnt make it any less silly.
Apocalypse: Dudes a slave to his theme.
Thanos: Thanoss greatest villain is probably his own bullshit self-regard.
Jesus Christ, he really IS an MRA.
ALSO YOU ARE ACONFEDERATE SOLDIER.
Well wouldnt it make more sense for me to be War then?
I could use my drums to drive people into a fury and have them fight with each other?
APOCALYPSE FAILS TO SEE THE SENSE IN THAT PROPOSAL, FAMINE.
But thats about it.
Except for one other appearance in the newishLego Batman 3, hes been absent… whats that?
He was a playable character inMortal Kombat vs. DC?
Well yeah, but wasnt that game terrible?
Yeah, so hes only been set dressing.
But not just because hes the only worthwhile playable character.
I just want to hear him whisper-yell about Kal-El, even when hes Captain Colds dad onFlash.
And he was teased as the big villain for season 2 ofWolverine and the X-Menbefore that show got canned.
Hes going to be played by the internets boyfriend Oscar Isaac in this summersX-Men: Apocalypse.
Hes the one who shouted I AM THE ROCKS OF THE ETERNAL SHORE.
CRASH AGAINST ME AND BE BROKEN in the 90s cartoon.
Protip: this works great if you yell it during sex.
AndFinal Crisis, for all the silver age goofiness at the end, is still magnificent.
And earlyX-Factorwhen he was first introduced is great just because it has Walt Simonson art.
Seriously, go read that).
And to see what hes been up to lately,you cant really beat Jonathan HickmansAvengersmegastory.
WINNER: Its a tie.
All of these stories are wonderful.
Rasslingatorsin Dennis Hopeless and Mark BagleysAll-New X-Men.
Thanos: Most recently seen getting adeep tissue massagefrom Dr. Doom on Battleworld inSecret Wars.
WINNER: Apocalypse by a country mile.
FAN VOTE
The running tally sits at 4 points for Darkseid, and 3 each for Thanos and Apocalypse.
Darkseid, Apocalypse, or Thanos?
What say you, Denizens of Geek?
Who do you like best?
