One-time Superman Dean Cain has made lots of Christmas movies, mainly with dogs in them.

We, er, watched them…

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It has also been updated frequently with new releases.

If youre anything like me you might have some fairly warm, fuzzy memories of Dean Cain.

He brought Superman back!

Okay, so what has Cain been up to sinceLois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Supermanfinished?

I mean, sure, you saw him in an episode of that one show.

And then there was that other time.

And then theres his role onSupergirl.

Yep, that was definitely him endorsing Texan nightmare Rick Perry for President back in 2012.

And then, in 2016, he was vocally Team Trump.

Hmm, warm and fuzzy memories suddenly becoming less warm and fuzzy… And that a whole lot of them are Christmas movies?

And that in a big chunk of them his co-star is a dog…?

The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2009)

There are five of these films.

Luckily for me, only three of them are about Christmas.

This is definitely notHome Alonewith a dog.Home Alone.

Does Dean help save Christmas?

Tries to ruin it.

This scene alone was more disturbing than any horror film Ive seen this year.

Its calledThe Dog Who Saved Christmas.

This impresses his new doggy girlfriend, voiced by Paris Hilton.

Well finally get revenge on the mangy mutt that made us spend last Christmas behind bars, Cain rages.

Is he related to the judge?

How is he doing so little time?

Really angry at dogs in this one.

Firstly, the voice of Zeus Mario Lopez has been replaced by Joey Lawrence fromBlossom.

Thirdly, the film asks us to spenda lotof time thinking about Kevin James brothers sex life.

More than Im comfortable with.

Fourthly, Shelley Long is just really weird as the sister.

Shes so squirrely and odd.

Im worried about her.

Just when he thinks hes out, they pull him back in.

Fart jokes are like 60% of the plot.

Dog do good dog thing.

fartfartfart

Loves dogs.

I can report that Cain makes for a fairly decent lawyer in this one.

Hes at least as believable as archaeologist Tara Reid inAlone In The Dark.

Mainly his daughter does.

Everyones talking about this; its all over the internet!

yelps Blanchard about the importance of Santas case.

What is it with this man and dogs?

A Christmas Wedding (2006)

This wasnt that bad.

American Horror Storys Sarah Paulson stars as a woman trying to get home for her Christmas wedding.

Yep, shes getting married on Christmas Day.

Which seems like a really dumb idea, but for the purposes of the plot it works okay.

further reading: A Complete Christmas Streaming Guide

The vol-Cain-o is a supporting player in this one.

No, he is a git.

I love you sooooo much.

x 128738974874

Dean takes the time to mention that his ex-wife got custody of the dog in his divorce.

Once again, he must find the Christmas Spirit within himself with the help of Kris Kringle.

He made the same movie twice!

How is this allowed!

I actually cried during this for some reason.

Im losing it, man.

I mean, I guess he helps a little.

Thats something, right?

I dont hate dogs.

The first shot is Cain riding in a police car with a dog.

Dog action reoccurs throughout.

A Nanny For Christmas (2010)

I felt dicked over by this one.

Hes not in it enough to even SMELL saving Christmas.

No special dialogue, but theres a song over the end credits with the name of the movie in.

I kind of love those.

This is shaping up to be one fantastic adventure!

There werent any dogs in this.

There werent any…dogs…in……wait, is a wolf a dog?

checks Wikipedia

NO, IT IS NOT.

Hmm, but is 49 minutes technically a film?

I mean…NO.

IM PLANTING THE FLAG.

YOU CANT TAKE THIS FROM ME.

This movie has some problems.

A lot of footage is filmed through a fisheye lens for some reason.

Its never from the dogs eye view, so that makes it even stranger.

No, but he eats a lot of donuts.

Everybody knows alligators arent from Australia!

Merry Ex-Mas (2014)

Cain stars with the original Buffy Kristy Swanson in this yuletide rom-com.

In fact, shes sort of engaged toScary Movies Lochlyn Munro and his terrible Irish accent now.

And Deans in the middle of a sexy fling with a Vegas dancer.

He actually emotes here.

Its not too bad a movie, actually.

Maybe the best one not starring a talking dog.

Christmas is not really the issue here.

Its only Christmas in this film the way that its Christmas in Shane Black films.

Its just part of the set dressing.

We gotta get out of here!

Unsure if this really happened or if I accidentally turned over to theWicker Manremake halfway through.

Two words: dog sled.

This was directed by Brian Skiba, who IMDb informs me was declared Arizonas Filmmaker of the Year 2011.

He also directed CainsDefending Santa.

Small Town Santa a.k.a.

It does not do wonders for the films tone.

No, this is all about Christmas saving Dean.

Rick wants love for Christmas, Santa explains.

Pff, sandwiches are better, retorts the local drunk.

There is a police dog.

His name is Max.

Cain talks to the dog a LOT.

Words cannot do the scene justice.

Theres also a subplot about a multi-million-dollar con and a punk band called Yellow Snow.

At the end, the mainly white cast all dance to a Christmas rap.

In a kind of oblique way, sure.

You gain a new perspective on life when you get dirty!

Also my Tinder bio.

Theres a small, yappy-jot down dog called Bunny in the movie.

She can see ghosts, so they try and milk a few laughs out of that.

Peter Sullivans the name, and timely Christmas fluff on a budgets the game.

This man knows his shit.

This is the guy you call when you want a slam-dunk made-for-TV Christmas movie and no mistake.

Boys, I was in it from minute one.

Miracles have been known to happen?

I mean, if they have, theyre nowhere in this film, the entire plot was miracle-free.

No one even mentioned a dog.Broadcasting Christmashas officially won Christmas.

Merry Christwoof, one and all.

And remember: Dean Cain films are for life, not just for Christmas.