In 2003, a rapping John Cena said it best.
Besides open mics, one thing that gets me boiled is an old school 30-man battle royal.
Actually, he didnt say that best at all!
What was I thinking quoting him?
Im only counting the matches themselves and not the events.
So just because Razor Ramon had a kickass title defense on the undercard means nothing here.
Im also only going with the Royal Rumble matches that happened at theRoyal Rumbleevents.
The Corporate Rumble, theSmackDown15-man Royal Rumble from 2004, and Hornswoggles mini Royal Rumble dont count.
Im only talking about the main ones…and Greatest Royal Rumble, I guess.
Let us see which Rumble drew…NUMBER THIRTY-FIVE!
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35.
It had to be this one.
Lets even forget about the Daniel Bryan part.
Lets throw that off the table.
Ill even concede that Roman Reigns should have won this.
WWEs attempts at getting Reigns over through this match is like watching Jerry Lewis constantly tripping over himself.
Its a match where nobody looks good.
Here, he gets a couple eliminations, then lays down for the rest of it.
Because Reigns will be the only choice left, everyone will HAVE to love him!
He doesnt even look cool taking them out.
Its notallbad, I suppose.
Even the first half has promise until the elimination that breaks the arena happens.
Everything after simply sucks up and destroys any and all good will.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1988
The first one.
The original Royal Rumble match is revolutionary and all, but its also really boring.
The 20-man match features a bunch of midcard names and not much in terms of story or even entertainment.
Guys simply fall out of the ring.
Its a big pile of nothing.
GREATEST ROYAL RUMBLE 2018
The one from that sketchy propaganda show.
Its just filler, featuring a filler roster.
God, how sad is it that Zack Ryderstillcant get a spot?
Cant believe they wasted the records for longest Rumble tenure and most eliminations on this turkey.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1994
The one with two winners.
On paper, the 94 Rumble has a great story.
Luger is the obvious winner and even the idea of Bret competing is in question.
Bret makes for a better underdog story, but again, Lugerneeds to win this.
The crowd understandably cheers for Diesels performance…and then this Rumble begins to suck hard.
Luger is beat up from a backstage attack and Bret is barely standing.
The ring fills up to 13 wrestlers by the end and it doesnt lead to anything interesting.
Just a handful of flat eliminations happening over the course of like ten minutes.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1999
The one that Vince Russo booked.
The first two-thirds of this match are really dumb.
Really, really dumb.
The ring gets cleared various times and not in ways that make anyone look good.
Mabels fate isnt all that different.
Its rather pointless and trivializes the entire Rumble gimmick.
Once McMahon returns and does commentary, its very watchable.
Austin shows up again and it becomes a battle over whos going to eliminate him.
Hell, the match has McMahon and Austin screw themselves over based on their own personal flaws.
McMahon just had to offer $100,000 to anyone who eliminates Austin, meaning that evenattackingAustin is a competition.
Instead, he keeps punishing McMahon more and more, allowing the Rock to distract him.
A half-dead McMahon chucks him out from behind and Austin has nobody to blame but himself.
Gimmicky as it is, Ive grown to really like McMahon squeaking out a win.
Plus there are some fun moments sprinkled throughout.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2012
The one with all the announcers entering.
The 2012 Rumble is a shallow one.
Its mainly remembered for two things.
Outside of only one Uso brother getting a spot, we arent missing out on much.
2012 WWE is in such a sorry state that the roster quality is seriously scant.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1991
The one Hogan dedicated to the US military.
Two things keep this one afloat.
First, Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are perfect commentators for the Rumble.
Despite the commentators talking about it relentlessly, its usually ignored because of strategy and logic.
Perfect (heel) feels the need to slap Earthquake (heel) in the face for no reason!
Its really kind of refreshing.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2019 (WOMENS)
The one where Zelina Vega is dressed like Shadaloos Vega.
The first two womens Royal Rumble matches are like the two modernMuppetsmovies.
The first one, while of better quality, also rides on nostalgia and its own self-importance.
The second one isnt allowed to do the same and has to walk on its own legs.
Unfortunately, its not that great, mainly because of how sloppy much of it is.
That just sets the stage as Lacey isnt the only problem.
Another reason the ending redeems the match is because of Becky Lynch finagling her way into it.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2014
The one where everyone hated Rey Mysterio for not being Daniel Bryan.
Im not sure if Id call 2014 a bad match.
Its more…foolish?
It has two major things working against it.
First is the uncomfortable iron man performance by CM Punk in his finalwrestlingmatch.
Then he takes a triple powerbomb from the Shield (which isnt even on camera) and gets concussed.
Once Mysterio arrives at #30, its non-stop booing and its glorious.
Thing is, outside of all that, its really kind of a good match.
He helps Kofi Kingston perform his sense-defying leap from the barrier to the ring.
Maybe Im alone in that, but thats how I see it.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2011
The one with 40 guys in it.
The 40-man Royal Rumble is a colossal mixed bag.
After that, the bad parts start piling up.
Michael Cole is in full-on heel mode and its excruciating,especiallyonce Miz arrives to join the commentary booth.
He shows up towards the end, fades into the background, and then just wins.
It doesnt matter that Del Rio did nothing memorable and went on to lose in the opening match ofWrestleMania.
Hes a Royal Rumble winner and that is supposed to make him important by default.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2006
The one where the guy wins because Eddie Guerrero died.
The basic idea of 2006 works.
Triple H and Rey Mysterio start it off and end the match along with #30 Randy Orton.
Mysterio goes against the odds and defeats the two top heels to win the match.
The stuff with Psichosis, Ric Flair, Big Show, Kane, and Bobby Lashley works really well.
But the moment Carlito arrives at #11, the Rumble loses steam.
Its just a bunch of bodies gradually entering the ring and nothing special or exciting happening in the interim.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1995
The one where Pamela Anderson couldnt even pretend to be interested.
On one hand, this match is way too short due to only having one-minute intervals.
On the other hand, thank God because if any Rumble needs to fly by, its this one.
Many of them dont even have storylines or anything to hang a coat on other than lame gimmicks.
Owen Hart:Gets attacked by Bret on the way to the ring.
By the time he enters, hes out in three seconds.
He gets rid of Bundy, but spends less than two minutes in the ring before Luger chucks him.
This is really his last gasp of relevance.
Bob Backlund:Same situation as Owen, only hes gone in 16 seconds.
Then you have Shawn Michaels and British Bulldog, who carry this on their backs.
Especially Michaels, who spends the 38 minutes selling for everyone while constantly holding on for dear life.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2000
The one where Taka Michinoku gets his face smashed in.
It has some great tools, but doesnt mold itself into something worth fawning over.
Here, he makes it to the end, but he still mostly comes off as just another guy.
Even the Rock refuses to be memorable here and its his only Rumble win!
But it has its charm.
Its a wonderful diversion.
Then again, I just realized now that the math doesnt work.
Those are five guys who got removed.
Seven of the Rumble competitors were in undercard matches.
I wonder who else got snubbed.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2013
The one where John Cena cut a promo about Cesaros nipples for some reason.
Its okay, but just completely unremarkable.
A decent outing thats entertaining enough to watch, but good luck on remembering the details after the fact.
Ever since he lost against the Rock atWrestleMania XVIII, they had just about solidified the story path.
There would be a rematch at the followingWrestleManiaand Cena would win.
Its necessary, if not overly predictable.
Whether it would be the right time to have Punk drop the title otherwise is up for debate.
With Cenas Rumble win so necessary, it throws Ryback off into the cold.
Ryback would never recover.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1998
The one where Mike Tyson and Shane McMahon hung out.
Maybe its the talent involved.
Either way, this one does nothing wrong, but its just sort of average.
Austin is unbeatable, but has enough charisma and intensity to keep you from jeering.
Triple H…stops by to remind us he exists.
At the same time, its kind of a sad look at Attitude Era failures Ahmed Johnson and Vader.
Now theyre just done away with little effort and theyre both gone months later.
Man, I wish Ahmed Johnson wasnt such an injury-prone hothead.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1989
The one where the Mega Powers fuse is lit.
This is the one where they finally figured out the format.
Theres honestly more drama in the first three minutes than the entirety of the 1988 match.
Its a great gold watch reward for his career while a perfect comeuppance for Dibiase.
The drawback of this match is that everything in-between Andres elimination and Hogans entrance is uneventful and forgettable.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2018 (WOMENS)
The first womens Royal Rumble.
The last thing they needed was repeating Money in the Bank and having James Ellsworth win it somehow.
Its entertaining, albeit not an all-time best.
The worst thing about it is the reminder that Kelly Kelly exists and shes still terrible.
And that Tamina is also still terrible.
Before #30 arrives, everything is entirely watchable without standing out.
Thumbs up for Stephanie McMahon being an asset on commentary and not making the whole thing about herself.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2009
The one with Santinos one second of endurance.
Theres a reason why WCWs World War 3 never caught on.
That said, theres plenty to love here.
Mainly that it takes one of the Rumble tropes to its natural conclusion.
Up until here, we never get to see long-term team-ups last.
Sure, tag teams and stable-mates would work together a bunch, but never enough to make a difference.
Or they would turn on each other as soon as possible because WrestleManiamain event!
Randy Orton has Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase flanking him.
They arent specifically out to get themselvesWrestleManiatitle shots because they are get this loyal.
Orton ultimately ends up winning precisely because of this because he should.
I really wanted that title shot.
Every man for himself is just a guideline.
Also of note is Rey Mysterios performance.
Putting him up against John Morrison in the beginning certainly makes it more entertaining.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1997
The one where they have a do-over a month later.
Its 45 minutes of watching a master work his craft and become a star.
The problem is that itsonlyAustin.
He carries this match so much that when you look past him, you see nothing.
Other than that, theyre all just bodies going about their business.
Then theres the excess of luchador guest wrestlers.
I dont recall seeing a single long-term team-up this entire match.
Everyone simply wanted a piece of everyone else.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2005
The one where Vince McMahons quads randomly explode.
2005s Rumble is a very clear sign of times changing and eras shifting.
Shockingly, those two dont get the same Guerrero/Benoit treatment in 2006.
Like the idea that faces and heels will align themselves because they happen to work the same night.
But it remains another entry in a streak of really good Rumbles due to some solid talent*.
After all, we do get Paul London in there for the sake of taking the nastiest clothesline elimination.
*note: Mostly.
The Coach is in this match.
I have no idea why.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2002
The one with the only reason anyone remembers Maven.
Wrestlings all about suspension of disbelief, but this Rumble really stretches it a bit too thin at times.
Having two tag partners or rivals come out consecutively is a coincidence I can accept.
Having Undertaker come out followed immediately after by his then-enemies Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy?
Now were getting silly.
Random draws my ass.
Regardless, its still a strong match.
What I love the most about this years is how important the guest wrestler gimmick is.
Theres no mystery to who shows up.
They flat out tell us ahead of time that Goldust, Val Venis, Godfather, and Mr.
Perfect are coming back, at least for the Rumble.
It isnt about the nostalgia shock, so we see them being actual fixtures in this match.
Godfather less so, but whatever.
One thing that tends to annoy me about Royal Rumbles is when they make it about one vs. all.
I didnt like it much when they did it with Austin (twice!)
As predictable as that was, the 2016 Rumble is actually fantastic.
AJ Styles showing up is such a wonderful oh my God theyre really doing this!
If only we got to see his entrance better instead of a lengthy shot of Romans confused face.
Too bad its eternally marred for having Michael Cole excitedly call Ambroses rebound clothesline, THE WACKY LINE!
This ones like a joke with a perfect setup.
The upstarts get to last a good while and the main eventers mostly get early or spread-out draws.
Hes has #29.
After all, Cenas injured and wont be back for months.
He helps whittle down the ring until we have Cena vs.
Triple H vs. Batista.
Just think about that.
They put together a Royal Rumble where John Cena entering at #30 is the genuine surprise winner.
Thats art is what it is.
On the surface, the roster is made up of top players or guys who will become top players.
They do overshadow the others, but they do add to the chaotic nature of the match.
Then theres Undertaker and Goldberg being too old and limited while Lesnars limited by complacency.
Luckily, none of them win and the victory goes to Randy Orton.
On the other hand, Orton feels a little forced and comparatively uninteresting in such a stacked match.
Its so entertaining that it actually slows down once we get to the hyped Undertaker/Lesnar/Goldberg portion.
Just an awful year of boring bullshit, bad decisions, and a complete lack of direction.
Oddly enough, the confusion leads to a Royal Rumble thatabsolutely works.
Its a unique time for WWE.
Roman Reigns is off due to battling cancer.
NXTs cream of the crop havent been completely ruined by schmoozing with the main roster yet.
Ali is being pushed.
So we see Aleister Black eliminate Ambrose.
We see Ali get the better of Samoa Joe.
Johnny Gargano absolutely clowns Jinder Mahal.
Its just pure chaos in a match that is built on chaos.
The Royal Rumble SHOULD be random.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1993
The one where Undertaker is beaten up by a tall, naked man.
Despite having a mostly weak roster and some really dull stretches, I feel this Rumble is pretty underrated.
Its really unique in how its ultimately Yokozunas playground and theres a weird sense of dread to it all.
Perfect comes in blazing and takes out his rival Ric Flair.
This is during the height of Perfects face run.
He gets eliminated unfairly.
Thats okay, because Undertakers here to reign supreme.
He clears most of the ring, then a massive sasquatch of a man shows up to murder him.
Then Yokozuna shows up late in the game, but Earthquake is big enough to stand up against him!
Not so much, as Yokozuna suplexes him out of the ring.
Okay, fine, but maybe if everyone teams up against Yokozuna?
What about Bob Backlund, whos won the crowd over by lasting an hour?
Dumped out like he was nothing.
But what about Randy Savage?
Stupidly tries to pin Yokozuna and gets tossed out.
Yokozuna doesnt need to be a cowardly and durable opportunist to win.
Hes just a monster and he dominates to rightfully earn his spot as #1 contender.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2010
The one where CM Punk simply wont shut up.
Even though 95 had the 1-minute intervals, 2010 feels like the fastest Rumble.
This one feels like a sequel to the 08 Rumble, for better or for worse.
While 08 has the ring fill up, 10 rarely allows it and keeps it lean.
By the time Batista arrives at #30, he is already in the final four.
For worse because they go with the same shock ending with diminishing returns.
Edge returns early from an injury to come out at #29 and win.
You know, a lot like what theyjust didtwo years ago.
Except he doesnt look to be in the best shape.
Hes been rushed back to the ring and he very much looks it.
Then again, its still nice to see him win one of these.
One thing that makes this Rumble feel so fresh is how none of the top guys last too long.
CM Punk dominates the early goings, but hes only there for ten minutes.
Triple H takes over, but hes only there for less than twenty.
By the end of it, John Cena is the iron man with only 22 minutes.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1996
The one where were allowed to take Vader seriously.
This years match is a bit bizarre.
It isnt like the year before where they just filled it with the crappy, immaterial midcard.
Sure, they have Barry Horowitz for whatever reason, but the roster is pretty solid here.
The midcard involved is a trip to look at.
Then you have the surprise entrants.
Theres such a variety in them unlike the luchadors in 97.
With that strong roster you get a strong Rumble.
Plus theres something overall crisp about the eliminations.
Theyre really smooth and rarely take you out of the match.
Especially Diesel flat-out flinging Helmsley to the floor out of frustration.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2003
The one where Chris Nowinksis head explodes.
Lesnar is an obvious win, but so many of the wrestlers come off as anything but pushovers.
Well, except for Maven.
2018 was a bad year for WWE as a whole.
It hit the level of, The main reason Im watching this is because its my job.
The ending of this Rumble is one of the best and could be argued as the absolute best.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2004
The one thats…um…uncomfortable to watch.
Well, thats because of 2004, won by one Chris Benoit.
You know, the brain-damaged murderer.
Despite being #1 and lasting to the end, Benoits run isnt the most exciting.
He isnt even sleeping through it or anything.
Hes still on his feet, grappling.
Foleys return/redemption is easily one of the best surprise entries in Rumble history.
The last 10-15 minutes are where everything really comes together.
That makes the very end all the much (bitter)sweeter.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1992
The one that isnt fair to Flair!
This one appears on the top of most Rumble lists and theres good reason.
Firstly, it has a great setup with half a dozen possible winners.
They also take a stab at make Sgt.
Slaughter seem like a possibility, but he is deep into the midcard by then.
I hate, hate, HATE the ending so much.
Even the heel ones.
I call it the Cena-Mysterio Effect.
Meanwhile, this match has maybe the best elimination ever when Sid Justice throws Sgt.
I could watch that forever.
ROYAL RUMBLE 1990
The one with the clash of Hogan and Warrior.
The 90 Rumble is so much goddamn fun and never lets up.
Looking at the roster, theres barely any dead weight in there.
Maybe Koko B. Ware, but hes out within two minutes of the match beginning and hes still entertaining.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2007
The one where Undertaker and Shawn Michaels fight forever.
Lets write a Rumble around that.
Stuff like Kane chokeslamming Sabu through a table to eliminate him.
That whole sequence where Michaels defeats Finlay while at the same time everyone struggles against Viscera.
Sandman lasting mere seconds, but still going ham with a kendo stick.
Great Khali standing over a mountain of beaten bodies and then effortlessly tossing them out one at a time.
Yeah, thatll do it.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2001
The one where everythings predetermined and the points dont matter.
Hell, look at how low years 98-00 have ranked on this list.
TheWrestleManiaswerent so hot either.
But that final year was pretty magical.
At the very least, the last few months.
This one isnt a one-man show like Flair in 92 or Austin in 97.
So many people pull their weight here.
I guess one of the contributing factors is that its broken up into sections.
It kind of evolves from segment to segment without ever overstaying its welcome.
The final three are Kane, Austin, and Rock and its a perfect setup.
Not only the best Royal Rumble match, but one of my favorite matches ever period.
