Evil Dead (2013), in-your-face-crying-for-mommy gore, from start to finish .
All while attempting to make the fans happy without alienating newcomers with too many inside jokes.
And it follows the story much more than we had anticipated.
The film opens on a flashback (although we arent sure how long ago) of a demon-possessed girl.
We learn that she has murdered her mother.
Unfortunately so that save her soul, the girl has to die.
At least thats what the very creepy book says.
So the witch is stereotypically burned at the stake.
A group of college-aged students enter the woods.
This time, instead of looking for a good time, they are trying to get Mia off drugs.
So her friends and her brother come to the cabin for support.
So there is a bit of tension in this sibling relationship.
Nothing like bonding over some evil demons to bring a family closer together.
At this point you may be wondering why her dear friends havent suggested she go to rehab.
They seem pretty genuinely concerned about the fact that she died during her last OD.
So why not just…send her to rehab?
Of course all of that is beside the point.
Mia starts smelling something dead.
When nobody else can smell it they all assume Mia is just going through withdrawal.
If you smell a dead body, call the police.
Or if youre in a cabin in the woods, run.
Also, if you happen to find a book that is barb-wired shut dont open it.
And if you decide to open it and take a look, dont read from it out loud.
Especially when there are warnings all over it.
But we guess if youre this Eric tool, you live your life on the edge.
And you read those damn incantations.
Because youre Eric and youre the man.
This is all too much for Mia and she books it.
She grabs the keys and drives into the woods.
After seeing a girl standing in the road she crashes into the woods.
The flora gets very intimate with her.
And by intimate we mean rape.
We are shocked they kept THIS scene.
She ends up back in the house.
The books prophecy starts being played out.
Mia manages to burn her own skin off before turning into a full fledged demon.
The best part here is that they kept the what happened to her eyes line.
What the hell happened to her face and why the hell is she audibly cracking?
So they toss her ass in the basement until she calms down.
Apparently she also hammered the family dog to death.
The demonic possession spreads to the other girls and there are some really nasty scenes here.
Facial removal, tongue splitting and a needle stuck way too close to an eye.
Mia also offers to suck her brothers cock.
What a good sister.
So we end up with our last two guys trying to figure out what to do.
Its here that Eric mentions he might have something to do with this.
This guy is the epitome of too dumb to live.
Here is where the remake diverges from the original quite a bit.
The two guys attempt to cleanse Mias soul.
They assume this would stop the other demons.
But you know what happens when you assume…
This is an incredible movie.
It isnt the scariest film weve ever seen, but it is probably the most disgusting.
The author of this article almost puked during the tongue-cutting-in-half scene.
The original film was very slap-gore.
This is just gore.
And we know some of you guys can stomach this but man this was nasty.
This is the edited down version.
We cant really imagine what they cut.
Do you know how difficult it is to get an NC-17 rating for violence?
Because there is absolutely no sex in this film.
At least none that was appreciated.
We call this fan disservice.
They clearly didnt cut the arm removals and tree rape.
And you really dont get a break from the gore.
It is unrelenting from start to finish.
Even if you close your eyes the sounds are enough to make you squirm.
And of course there is that Sam Raimi cracking thing.
You know what were talking about.
And, of course, that fucking eye line.
You know whats wrong with her eyes people?
We appreciated the classic Raimi shots.
You know, those first person POV shots of demons flying through the woods?
They make it into this version.
The demons are also very reminiscent of the original.
Gross, spewing all kinds of stuff and the cracking.
Did it live up to the original?
Did it live up to all our wildest hopes and dreams?
Of course having the creators of the original as your producers doesnt hurt.
And we really would have been ok with Davids character just being Ash.
Shiloh Fernandez did an amazing job of filling the role.
And though hes no Bruce Campbell, we like him just fine.
So overall, a great film.
Very fun, very gory and true enough to the original not to piss off the Geeks.
Come prepared to scream, barf and sob.
And dont say we didnt warn you.
We forgot to tell you.
Stay til the end of the credits.
Lets just say its groovy.
What did you think?
Did anyone else need a barf bag?
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Rating:
4 out of 5
