But you know what would make it one better?
If it was family, friends,anda fictional character of our choosing each year!
Or what if its Han Solo or Princess Leia who is asking you to pass the gravy and potatoes?
You just know Chewbacca would be all-in on a game of pulling the Christmas crackers.
A good Christmas dinner guest has to be drunk.
You know: shitfaced, blottoed, wasted, faded, gone, schmacked.
But you know what Ive realized?
Thats taking the easy way out.
Christmas chaos shouldnt peter out; it must crescendo!
That is why Willy Wonka would be such a welcome presence at the table.
Undeniably goodhearted and kind, Gene Wilders O.G.
Wonka would be an appropriately festive ingredient to spike into the eggnog.
Could he strain that crazy uncle into pasta?
Turn that yappie dog into a blueberry?
Or just let us all fly around the still glowing Yuletide lights outside?!
No idea, but itd be both exciting (and faintly terrifying) to find out!
Beyond all that though, theres a melancholy to Wilders Willy that is as bitter as dark chocolate.
Because hes a wizard, he could also lighten the mood with his magic skills.
Dinner taking a tad too long?
Bam, Gale conjures some snow to keep the kids busy.
Grandpa starting to get a little too political?
Gale creates an illusory projection that he can talk to instead.
If I get overwhelmed and want to duck out a little early?
Gale could transport us both home with ease, avoiding holiday traffic entirely.
Brynna Arens
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper Twin Peaks
Christmas isnt a holiday for cynics.
Guests arent something we lack.
So I have to go with Kreacher.
So if in this fictional universe Elwood is still around, hed get an invite too.
I dont want to separate the best buds.
Because Harvey knows that life can be hard.
Perhaps hed let me share my grand plans, my fears, my storieswonderful listener that he is.
Harvey is good-natured, but he enjoys a bit of mischief too, and I am here for that.
A bit of cheating at Cluedo maybe.
A hidden remote allowing me to watch extra episodes of Justice Judy (which is newJudge Judyon Prime Video… Perhaps Harvey could stop time so I dont have to come back to work for a bit.
Or take me on an adventure somewhere warm.
If not, though, I dont mind.
Id just feel grateful to have met the greatest rabbit that ever lived and have him cross my path.
