Pamela Anderson headlined Barb Wire, an R-rated comic book movie from the 1990s.
How does it hold up?
More often, though, Ill end up with aSanta With Musclesor aNick Fury: Agent Of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Whether thats the case or not, its something Ive been very mindful of over the last few years.
I want to enjoyThe Wolf Of Wall Streetand I want to enjoyKill Switch.
My article will then reflect whether I was able to.
Im not alone in not enjoyingBarb Wire.
When it was released, loads of people didnt enjoy it.
Of course, they didnt make the mistake I made of seeing it.
The comic series is a lot more colorful than the movie, with more sci-fi to it.
Then the film itself happens.
Barb usually likes to stay neutral but with bodies piling up she finds herself forced to pick a side.
This might sound like a miserable way of introducing your hero, and it is.
It slows down a film that is far too slow to start and makes for uncomfortable viewing.
It would have been classier.
The broad story points and rough versions of the characters are lifted straight from 1942 classic.
I dont know who, but someone lived that dream in 1996.
Star Andersons lead turn is an odd one.
Its generally just bad dialogue.
She is holding a cigarette.Barb Wire:Looking for a light.
Got one?Man:I dont smoke.Cigarette turns out to be a tube.
Barb huffs into it, firing a blow dart.
Man collapses.Barb Wire:Neither do I.
Then theres this one:
Schmidts has paid Barb for a bounty hunting job.
And why wouldnt you believe that he had enjoyed working with you?
Youve been really helpful and pleasant; youve just put on a grumpy voice.
What are you even talking about?
Its all very one note.
Of course, the main character doesnt work, regardless of Anderson.
So, Anderson is poor but its not a make or break issue.
This film was supposed to launch Pamela Anderson as a movie star.
That might sound weird now, but at the time… no, it was weird then, too.
Right, onto theBarb Wirebaddies.
It all takes place in a futuristic laboratory thats in a sort of boxing ring.
There are a lot of choices being made in this sexy space torture scene.
But as far as quantity goes, they are making a lot of choices.
Its all very busy.
I dont remember that bit being inCasablanca.
Im pleased to say I do have something to praise.
Its the production design.
For the most part, the film looks good, if odd.
The sets are generally nicely detailed and make the film feel bigger than it is.
The club, in particular, looks cool and is usually full of fantastically dressed extras.
They couldnt look more like product placement if they were called Vanessa Cola-Virgin and the Virgin Cola 5.
The stuff that happens in the club, though, is not good.
One particular scene opens with an establishing shot, setting this up as a separate sequence.
Then a guy, who only features in this scene, comes in drunk and aggressively demands a drink.
For a film that runs shorter than a hundred minutes, it plays as far too long.
Its also gruesomely poor.
Its just a crap looking chunk of cliche clumsily dumped into a film that was already dragging.
It serves to make the characters less interesting.
The big action finale is…
I think its terrible.
Maybe the whole thing has a camp quality to it?
Right, I promised you guys sex stuff to finish up with.
Its the sort of film that would cause Michael Bay to roll his eyes.
So it seemsBarb Wirewas targeted at adults who have the same attitude towards sex as teenage boys.
