We continue to trawl the DVD bargain bins hunting for overlooked Christmas films.
The Smurfs do A Christmas Carol.
Nothing says Christmas like tiny blue creatures performing public domain classics.
Dont forget Paul Oakenfolds urban remix, which doesnt even make sense as a concept but apparently exists.
Still, room for one more, eh?
DidSouth ParkdoA Christmas Carol?
Where Cartman is Scrooge and all the ghosts are Kenny?
I need to stop drinking so heavily during the festive season, its turning me quite peculiar.
Dickens is a hack, which is why to this day he is still dead.
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Wait, I havent started the DVD yet, that wasPolice Interceptors.
I might just watch that instead.
You see Grouchy Smurf on the cover?
Thats me watching this.
Theres nothing wrong with being grouchy when youre surrounded by incompetents.A Christmas Carol?
More likeA Christmas Sensible.
Just look at the back of the DVD box.
It doesnt even list animated menus as a special feature for Smurfs sake.
Its in colour though, so at least Ill know which ones are blue.
Excellent, thats only half a toilet break The DVD is loose in the case.
I know I cant really criticise the film for that but Im just that good.
Damn, the thing isnt scratched beyond repair.
By the way, I should say that I actually love Christmas, and Im indifferent to the Smurfs.
Its just you know this is going to be crap, right?
Jokes on you disc, I didnt buy you, I got sent this.
Also, there is a menu.
I might watch it in Flemish just for a laugh.
Alas, not all of the original cast could reprise their roles.
Inexplicably, they could still get Anton Yelchin and Hank Azaria.
Sigh, Id better watch it, hadnt I?
Smurf the halls with boughs of holly sing the Smurfs.
This thing writes itself.
A few carols with random words replaced by Smurf, and a montage of decorating.
Hey, this might not be so bad.
But no, theres a problem!
Grouchy Smurf hasnt got his regulation Christmas lights up, and hes busy complaining about them singing off key.
You see, despite apparently doing all the regular Christmas stuff every year, this year he hates Christmas.
Anton Yelchins been through that on twoStar Trekmovies, give the guy a break.
Bit extreme isnt it?
Couldnt they just, you know, talk to him?
Offer him a few glasses of homesmurfbrew and a date with Smurfette?
No, they immediately go with the mindwarp.
Yes, its The Smurfs… in 2D!
Youve got to hand it to them, at least they made the effort.
It does look the part.
You know, rather than magic ghosts a simply whats wrong hun?
on Smurfbook might have done the trick.
Thats the excuse for… another decorating montage!
Also, weirdly, hes called Grouchy even before hes actually grouchy, which doesnt make sense.
What he actually wants is a hang glider and every year he gets the same hat.
One year he nearly gets one, but its a joke.
In the hang glider shaped present there are explosives which give him third degree burns.
The other Smurfs think this crippling emotional and physical pain is hilarious.
In compensation, the Smurf of Christmas Past lets him ride her like a hanglider.
Im not even joking.
Naturally, he berates him for being late.
Why isnt Grouchy going mad and killing everyone by this point?
The Smurf of Christmas Presents first role is to show how badly Grouchy is needed for Christmas.
Now we see Papa Smurf making his damn hats.
The fact that theyre custom made makes them special, apparently.
Papa Smurf is a bloody hypocrite; why is he the only one allowed to have a red hat?
Because hes a big smurf bastard, thats why.
But worse, your uncle makes experimental hoverboards, jetpacks and chocolate for a living.
That reminds me, I must get my nieces some socks.
Next up, the Smurf of Christmas Future.
Not Hefty, no sir.
His vision is of nothing less than a Smurfolocaust.
These Smurfs have some serious relationship issues.
Imagine the fuss when Smurfette decides she doesnt want to service the men folk anymore.
Or, as it turns out, the moral is about the real gift being family.
Not the actual moral of any of the visions.
Grumpy is taking this brainwashing remarkably well.
If the moral of the story is that family is great, I dont want that sodding family.
Its like having Christmas at Fred Wests house, but without the nice garden.
I hate these smurfs and hope they all burn down.
But, in a twist, the hat is also a hang glider.
Grouchy Smurf still hates Christmas… is only once a year.
