You think dating is a nightmare?
Whatever you do, don’t date Wolverine.
When one thinks of Wolverine, one automatically thinks of violence, mystery, savagery, and… romance?
So let us pay tribute to those ladies whove had braved the hairy chest and stabby claws of Wolverine.
When Logan first laid eyes on this red-haired mutant, he instantly fell claws over heels.
As we said, Wolverine has buried many lovers, but poor Jean was buried more than once.
Logan and Mystique are sometime lovers, sometime rivals, but always steamy and troubled.
Mariko is a demure and refined Japanese aristocrat who also happens to be the daughter of a crime lord.
But in each others arms, Mariko and Logan found true peace and romantic contentment.
To spare Mariko the pain, Logan killed his beloved, but his revenge was legendary.
This has been going on for a very long time.
Silver Fox
First appearance: Wolverine vol.
Later events indicate that Silver Foxs death was an implanted memory.
Silver Fox then betrays Logan and joins HYDRA.
And this is just confusing and depressing.
Thats Wolverine for you.
In Foxs X-Men movie franchise, Wolverine and Rogue have an inspiring father/daughter relationship.
But in the comics, not so much.
You see, there was a time when the X-Men encountered a space being known as the Golgotha.
This creature had the power to amplify peoples inner emotions.
They engaged in some lip wrestling that was equal parts hot and steamy and all around creepy.
The X writers never really followed up on this deep rooted desire between the two, but its there.
You have to wonder if Jackman and Paquin know about this.
Well, he would hook up with Red Sonja, thats what would happen.
No wonder she has died like six thousand times.
For a time, the two were very happy together, and Itsu even became pregnant.
I think you see where this is going.
One day, Logan returned home to find Itsu dead and the baby torn from her womb.
It turns out that Itsu was killed by none other than the Winter Soldier.
The baby was not truly lost, and grew up to become the villainous Daken.
One has to believe that these days, Wolverine isnt inviting old Bucky to any poker games.
In theOld Man Loganreality, Logan leaves his violent past behind to be with a woman named Maureen.
Due to his violent past, Wolverine vowed never to pop his claws again.
Believe me, there was some snikt action after that.
Amir was an Atlantaen warrior who helped Wolverine find the villainous Nitro during Marvels firstCivil War.
Even a woman used to the crushing depths and the mysteries of the oceans couldnt survive falling for Logan.
After Amir and Wolverines first moist encounter, she was killed by the villain known as Shogun.
Wolverine values Yukio so much that hes trusted her to raise his step-daughter Amiko.
It wasnt exactly domestic bliss, because after the wedding, Viper got possessed by the evil Ogun.
so that drive Ogun out of his wifes body, Wolverine had to impale her with his claws!
Native
First appearance: Wolverine Vol.
3 #13 (2004)
The Native was another creation of the Weapon X program.
After she escaped, Sabretooth manipulated Wolverine into track her down.
After Logan finds her, Native shows him some drawings of the two feral killers as lovers.
Wolverine and Native renew their romantic bond and Native even becomes pregnant.
Untilsay it with me nowSabretooth kills Native.
Young Logan loved Rose, but Rose felt only deep friendship for Logan.
She marries another and lives a happy life as the wife of a camp foreman.
At least poor Rose can take heart that she started a trenda really bloody and heartbreaking trend.
She is a reporter that begun a romance with Wolverine after he saved her from a group of muggers.
Their professional relationship soon blossomed into a romance that was…surprisingly normal and healthy.
It all ended when Melita received a package in the mail containing photographs of Logan making love to Yukio.
The pictures were actually of Mystique morphed into Yukio, but the impact was the same.
Melita called it quits, but happily, she lived to tell the tale of her romance with Wolverine.
Logans brother-in-arms wanted to kill Atsuko, but Logan protected her.
Atsuko killed the soldier with her fathers sword, but was shot in the struggle.
Hercules
Not all of Logans lovers were ladies.
In this world, a mustachioed Ron Swanson looking version of Wolverine was in love with that universes Hercules.
An undying badass mutant and an undying braggadocios demi-god finding love in each others arms.
Wolverine stabs her with his claws but flinches.
During the fight, Charlemagne snuck up on Spidey who lashes out and kills her with one shot.
Tyger Tiger is an on-again, off-again lover of Logan who also rules the criminal underworld of Madripoor.
She rules with a fair hand and doesnt allow certain crimes into her country.
With Tyger, its all about gambling and other relatively victimless crimes.
Gahck is the chief of a Savage Land tribe known as the Tribe of Fire.
Its kind of like if Edgar Rice Burroughs threw up in the Marvel Universe.
So Wolverine meets and falls for the beautiful and wild Gahck and they become lovers.
Unbeknownst to Wolverine, Gahck bears a son, and this one doesnt die or turn evil or anything.
Somewhere, right now, a kid that looks like Logan is fighting a dinosaur in the Savage Land.
That makes us feel all warm and fuzzy and a tiny bit terrified inside.
Lets just hope that Junior here is luckier at love than his daddy.
