the 1990s), you’re able to be sure that I am operating without bias.
I have no agenda and no axe to grind.
Who are you to judge me?
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No one, thats who.
Smells like… teenagers.
Halfway through the 1990s.
Ten years previously, Marty McFly travelled back to the future.
Bill Clinton supported Oasis at Knebworth with a set of free jazz.
Sunny Delight arrived in the UK, and was later renamed SunnyD.
Enter theMighty Morphin Power Rangers.
The heroes we needed right then, if not the ones we deserved, although I definitely deserved them.
Its exactly as good as it sounds, i.e.
When the movie came about, however, there was to be none of this recycling business.
From the sweet re-designed non-spandex suits to the re-recorded theme song, this was no cheaply thrown-together feature-length episode.
This was a movie, damn it.
So why is it great, you ask?
Well, that suggests that you havent watched it.
In which case you should go and watch it now.
So maybe you shouldnt watch it.
So why is it great, you ask?
Or, to be more accurate, why is it morphenomenal?
Actually, before that it has an epic expository narration that adds a real mythic weight to proceedings.
Then it has skydiving and slap bass.
If my seven-year-old mind was blown, how exactly could anyone elses mind not be?
I know, right?
It instantly establishes a new status quo: this will not be a run-of-the-millPower Rangersouting.
The game has changed.
Zordon is left to die beneath a manky blanket, and the Rangers are left without power or hope.
And thats, like, 20 minutes or so into the film.
These are what we call stakes, people.
Specifically, high ones.
At this point, it seems appropriate to bring Sartre into proceedings.
In actual fact, the film has exactly one flaw: Fred Kelman.
Fred Kelman is the Rangers kid friend.
He is the Scrappy Doo of this film.
Its lil Ani Skywalker.
I hated him when I was seven, and I hate him now.
After watching this film, who did I want to be when I played Power Rangers in the playground?
Maybe the Red Ranger, although he was better when he was Jason.
Maybe the Black Ranger, although he was definitely better when he was Zach.
Guess who I didnt want to be?
Fred Kelman, thats who.
Id rather be Bulk or Skull.
Or Ernie, come to that, at least he makes a bangin smoothie.
Nobody wanted to be Fred.
We didnt need him.
Wed already spent years with these superheroes.
Its not a stretch to say that we worshipped them.
We did not need some kind of crowbarred-in audience identification figure.
He is just the worst.
Its morphin time!
I know, right?!
No intergalactic prison for this villain.
You fuck with the Power Rangers, your ass gets vaporized.
Need I say more?
Go go Power Rangers!
A cursory glance at the films Wikipedia page yields troubling results.
It received a mixed reaction from critics, apparently.
Is that supposed to be negative?
Also, why didThe New York Timesreview this film?
Hes obviously cool, and Id like to hang out with him.
So there you have it.
In the words of Tommy Oliver, the White Ranger:
8-ball, corner pocket!
