A Minecraft Movie is bad, but its badness is part of a growing problem with IP-based movies.
This article contains spoilers forA Minecraft Movie.
There was no joy or creativity at all!
An Over-Minded Plot
Full disclosure: Ive never playedMinecraft.
But my kids have, and they tell me it isnt about action or plot.
But absolutely nothing on screen reflects that love of imagination, starting with its plot.
Each of these obstacles is then immediately resolved while remaining completely free of tension.
He enters each new location with a loud, Whoa-ho!
demanding that we be just as excited.
Black has also been the secret weapon for many terrible IP movies.
Consider how he brought energy to laterKung Fu PandaandJumanjientries,The Super Mario Bros. Movie, andBorderlands.
But the grind seems to have finally caught up with him.
Theres sadness in his eyes this time as he does his usual moves.
The louder he gets, the more tired he seems.
To a certain extent, Momoa picks up some of the slack.
He too usually plays big, lovable bros, and his loudness can sometimes compensate for Blacks exhaustion.
However, hes trying to create a real performance with Garrett, and he really shouldnt.
Not only doesA Minecraft Movienot warrant actual acting, but Garretts a terrible character to take seriously.
Why would kids want to see an adult be sad about video games?
Its their dream come true!
Outside of Garrett and Steve,A Minecraft Moviefills out its cast with one-note character types.
to drop one-liners; and theres a big tough baddie who acts like a nice guy.
Millions of Peaches
Perhaps the most craven part ofA Minecraft Movieinvolves its many, many songs.
Songs arent the only thingA Minecraft Movierips off from other video game adaptations though.
But when a former beau arrives and challenges the villager, he speaks in the sonorous tones ofMatt Berry.
But it was enough to get my daughter excited, which I guess is the point.
That somehow makes the movie worse.
Perhaps the most interesting parts are the most upsetting.
Although the film retains the blocky designs from the game, it covers them with real textures.
Thus the enemy piglins all have flabby, harry skin, complete with hairs and pustules.
At least they show some imagination.
A Minecraft Movie, as much as it says otherwise, is not a movie about imagination.
Its a movie about money and nothing else.
And it certainly wont be the last.
A Minecraft Movie currently exists in theaters worldwide.
