Roger Moore’s second to last outing as James Bond is better than you remember.
This article originally appeared onDen of Geek UK.
Yes, Roger Moore has aged to the point where counting the wrinkles is a legitimate distraction.
And many valid criticisms can be levelled about plot and credibility.
But the good outweighs, or certainly overwhelms, the bad inOctopussy.
Still, he really should have quit after this one.
Khan then hold on, thats 26-year-old Bollywood singer Kamal Khan.
We want the exiled Afghan prince/jewellery smuggler Kamal Khan.
Good with henchman and quips.
Bad with honesty and aeroplanes.ThatKamal Khan!
The Girl:Cant really pull the same trick withOctopussy.
Nobody else in the history of mankind has been called Octopussy.
Probably because nobody could emulate this Octopussy.
What do you do?
Enjoy her while you might.
Stacy Sutton is next.
Its a funny old film,Octopussy, one used as evidence by both Moores prosecution and his defense.
Haters cite the befuddled plot, an older Moore, some truly silly moments (Tarzan yell, anyone?
Yet the counterargument is weighty.
AfterLive And Let DieandThe Spy Who Loved Mea strong case can be argued forOctopussyas Moores third and final peak.
Emphasis on the final.
The opening is inoffensive and unmemorable.
That arguably overlooksFor Your Eyes OnlyandGoldfinger, although the former certainly ties into the series itself.
SoOctopussys is one of only two completely autonomous pre-credit sequences.
Tell that to someone at a party.
Then comment on how quickly Bonds plane runs short of fuel, despite no bullet hitting the engine.
Clearly the fool forgot to fill up the tank pre-mission.
Well, he is getting on a bit, right?
Thatll take some beating, too).
The hunt is tense, creepy and thrillingly discombobulating.
Even then, no dialogue intrudes.
What a brilliantly original pre-credits it would have made.
And both are great.
I suspect wereOctopussythe first Moore film, the clown chase would indeed have opened.
Yet by Entry Number 6, originality has given way to routine.
Give the people what they know: a breezy, meaningless action sequence with Roger front and centre.
Octopussyreally should be Moores swansong.
This remains valid even if you ignore the age-issue and the fact thatA View To A Killis a stinker.
Indeed for the purposes of this article lets pretendOctopussywas the final Moore.
Just to illustrate its suitability.
We kick off with a KGB showdown between Generals Gogol and Orlov.
One wants to send tanks rolling into Europe, the other is sane.
A subtle dissection of Soviet foreign policy in the late 20th century this is not.
At one point the line the West is decadent and divided!
is screamed without the slightest hint of irony.
Playing the ker-razy General Orlov, renowned thespian Stephen Berkoff basically opens a butchers shop.
Orlov is only one of an impressive array of villains, the best sinceLive And Let Die.
As always, a little more dialogue would have gone a long way.
Alas, the writers seem convinced that mute is might.
This leaves us with Kamal Khan.
Echoes of previous villains can be detected.
Like his bodyguard, Kamal does a wonderful glower.
Bond and Kamal first meet over the gambling table.
Backgammon takes the traditional role of cards as the game Bond wins.
While variety should be applauded, this isnt a particularly successful scene.
Enjoyable, but utterly illogical.
The problem is Kamals cheating: he uses a pair of loaded dice to continually roll double six.
Continuous double sixes arent particularly useful in backgammon.
Continuous double sixes are very useful in identifying loaded dice.
Bond requiring double six to win the game, immediately after sitting down, is a contrivance too far.
Still, spend the money quickly, Mr.
Bond is a fantastic line.
First spoken in the novelMoonrakerafter a mammoth game of bridge.
The Tuk Tuk chase is highly enjoyable and sprinkled with some genuinely funny lines.
Vijay, we have company… warns Bond as minions approach.
No problem, grins Vijay, this is a company car.
Although I especially like Bonds thank God for hard currency!
after a wad of his backgammon winnings deflect an otherwise fatal blade.
Funny the series still refused to stick Bond on a motorbike.
Vijay if you dont know/cant remember is Bonds cheerful Indian sidekick, ill-fated alas.
Vijay is comfortably the most meta character of the whole series.
Stunt casting is usually frowned upon but Vijays really works.
Partly because the character leads the casting (i.e.
He doesnt just charm the snake.
Lets adapt the Bechdel Test for stunt casting.
Call it the Vijay Test.
If yes, then like Vinnie Jones inLock Stock and Two Smoking Barrelsthe Vijay test has been passed.
I had no idea Amritraj played tennis when I first watchedOctopussy.
And it didnt matter one bit.
Early I wrote the phrase A Racists Guide to India to summarise the films portrayal of its primary location.
Now I should mention that phrase was used in jest.
No cliche is left unmolested.
Bond makes a quip about curry and everyone winces.
Taj Mahal money shot?
Hang on, Bond travels to Udaipur isnt the Taj Mahal in Agra, approximately 400 miles away?
Look how beautiful and mysterious everything is.
Both Kamal and Octopussy live in actual palaces!
The casting is a slight sore point.
InLive And Let Die, problematic undertones aside, at least major roles were played by black actors.
Kamal is a supposedly Afghan prince played by a Frenchman.
Vijay is the largest Indian role and hes a tennis star, known for his appearances at Wimbledon.
Octopussy herself was intended to be Indian but the producers got jittery and cast a Swede.
She is the dominant character, just like Dr. No and Goldfinger.
For much of the film she holds power over Bond and Kamal.
Well, slightly her own incompetence.
But this is Bond: nobody ever shoots their gun!
Octopussy is a fine heroine but was villainy her true calling?
The film allows us to flirt with the idea.
Her initially unseen face, exotic pet and floating palace all point in the direction of Wrong Un.
But was a female mastermind a step too far?
Imagine if Octopussy bore a grudge, not gratitude, over Bonds treatment of Papa Octopus.
And after the inevitable naked wrestling she went full Fiona Volpe on us.
Now that really would have broken new ground and pretty fertile ground too.
But the film in which Octopussy is bad would be more interesting than the existing version.
Briefly: while Maud Adams is fantastic, casting her in a second major role is a little odd.
Adams isnt a unique case.
Charles Grey played Henderson then Blofeld, Joe Don Baker went from Whitaker to Jack Wade.
Deep into the film the Faberge egg turns into a nuclear bomb.
Not literally but thats certainly how it felt.
The egg goes from being vitally important to utterly irrelevant and the bomb appears instead.
Um, not entirely sure.
I still cant quite explain how the plot fits together, egg and all.
Make thateggs, because theres two, one fake one real.
No, I couldnt keep track of which was which.
Obviously Google would explain all but it would be disingenuous to pretend I understood the plot ofOctopussyin one viewing.
Lets be generous and say a certain coherency is sacrificed on the altar of fun.
Well, you cant make an omelette without….
The train fight is really good.
Yes, better thanSkyfalls because we know the combatants and whats at stake.
I love that Gobinda fights with a scimitar.
Because of course he does.
Also note how distinctive Gobinda and Twin 1 are, both as characters and visually.
It would be exquisite if the Moore era climaxed in a circus.
Somewhere for the whole family and even the haters might secretly quite enjoy themselves.
Admittedly, dressing the guy as a clown might be slight overkill.
Everybody knows Moore is the Bozo Bond, the is everybody having a good time?
merchant peddling froth and frivolity instead of Seans steel or Pierces flashy watches.
You dont need to literally stick on a red nose to drive home the point.
But really this should be Article 1 in his favor.
Only Roger, the dissenters sigh.
Only Roger Moore could disarm a nuclear bomb dressed as a clown and somehow make people buy into it!
Whatever your opinion on the man and the tenure, you have to salute the gumption.
Moore also submits a very good performance, arguably his strongest.
Easy to treat him as a joke but the man really can act.
Sometimes through eyebrows alone.
And I cant be the first person to marvel at the neatness of Bonds make-up.
Seconds ticking down to nuclear catastrophe and Bond spends a good portion of this time applying face paint.
We can only fantasise the tense exchange between M and General Gogol as the clock counts to Doomsday.
A minute left!!
Hes our only hope!!
A costumed Bond stares into a mirror, carefully tracing mascara around his eyes.
His thoughts in voiceover: Easy James.
Almost there…oh nuts, smudged it!
Where are the wet wipes?
I like how disaster is averted at literally the last second.
Moores ticking clocks run longer and tighter than Connerys.
The final return to India feels a little tacked on.
A climatic battle for the sake of a climactic battle.
Although the sight of Q piloting a hot air balloon into the fray makes the whole shebang worthwhile.
Go, Desmond, go!
And Desmond isnt the only one who went.
After six outings Roger Moore smartly decided to hang up the holster on a relative high.
An enjoyable, symbolically satisfying romp that kept utterly true to its much loved star.
Like Moore,Octopussydelivers.
The train fight should probably take it.
Worst Bit:Bonds Tarzan yell while swinging from a vine.
Both cringe and tactically stupid.
Now they know your position.
Nice work, James.
Final Thought:How does Bond escape from the gorilla costume before Gobinda scimitars it?
One second hes encased in it, the next hes escaping through the roof.
And why does he keep dressing up?
Bonus Final Thought:The other Kamal Khan:
