Dudley Moore stars in the huge budget Santa Claus: The Movie.

Its not very good, but its very, very pleasant and particularly harmless.

Ive always thought of it as a small made-for-TV movie that gets played on ITV on Christmas Eve.

Only, it turns out, Im wrong.

It was produced by the Salkinds shortly after theyd madeSupergirl.

Its a figure Im more than a little suspicious of.

Its obviously a bit naff, but it feels like an appropriate naffness.

Sorry for saying naff.

Right, so the actual film then.

The first hour of the movie is essentially Santas origin story.

I know, did we really need to see Santa-Mans origin story again?

It opens with childless couple The Clauses bringing gifts to a local family, as they do every Christmas.

Disaster strikes as they get caught up in a blizzard.

Harrowing scenes ensue, as the two adorable reindeer that pull their sled collapse in the snow.

Mr. Claus screams belligerently at them, but they dont stir.

He gives up and joins Mrs. Claus in the sleigh to sit together to quietly freeze to death.

And a happy new year!

Then, a ghost star appears in the sky, beckoning them into a glowing eternity.

The forces of evil emerge from this sparkling death beacon.

Thinking about it, its probably the latter explanation.

Weve been expecting you for a long, long time say the elves in a manner that evokesHellraiser.

Its obviously not fair to compare the elves to fetishist pain-worshipping demons.

Its genuine and heartfelt.

Its colourful and has a handcrafted look about it.

We also spend some time with the reindeer here, and they look terrific too.

They look mostly realistic, with just enough expression and softening to make them fun.

Theyre not quite Henson level, but theyre great.

Ok, look, I lost my notes.

But off they fly.

Its all very Christmassy.

Most of the film is spent just establishing what Santas deal is.

Patch tries to drag Christmas into the industrial age.

What he lacks in ability he makes up for in ideas, blagging and rosy cheeks.

Things all seem to get a bit confused as the film tries to introduce conflict.

This is capitalism at its most stupid.

They arent just flammable; they appear to actually want to be on fire.

Lithgows character is unrepentantly evil.

While all this is going on, Santa has become disillusioned.

He complains that gift giving has been corrupted.

People dont give gives just to see the look in the other persons eye any more, he complains.

Its a bit rich coming from the worlds most notorious hit and run gift giver.

Whats your game here, Father Christmas?

If that is your real name.

), and an unloved orphan girl.

No, shut up,yourecrying.

The film sort of ends happily, then, but we get no resolution for Patch.

What are they meant to do with him?

Over the course of the film hes proved to be a well-meaning but dangerous menace.

I guarantee that in the 30 years since hes started at least 90 workshop fires by accident.

I bet hes tried to invent an iPad thats made of discarded Gillette razors.

As far as Christmas films go,Santa Claus: The Movieis quite different fromDie Hard.

Its got less edge than a yoghurt.

It all feels very old fashioned.

But then, I suppose its old.

Its just a soft, pleasant Christmas film.

My considered conclusion, then, is thatSanta Claus: The Movieis not particularly good but is quite nice.