We have a comprehensive guide to all the RiffTrax Christmas and holiday themed episodes.
Heres a look at all the various Christmas-related movies theyve watched.
Weird Al was there too!
At the show…not…not the swimming event.
you’re free to check out RiffTraxs collection of Christmas movies and shortsright here.
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Now, come on.
It was such a classic that people watch every year as a holiday tradition.
The Output:You remember how Rudolph went, right?
Okay, now imagine that exact story, only remove the lovable, memorable characters.
Hell, just make the thing completely depressing.
You haveNestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
I guess Jesus being born really packed a punch.
Introducing Chewbaccas family!And many scream-yourself-awake nightmares!
It also has an animated short that gives us the very first appearance of Boba Fett!
He would never release theHoliday Specialin any format because he wasthatdisgusted by it.
There are comedy and musical bits that are just a slog to sit through.
One such bit is acting like Chewbaccas father Itchy watching virtual reality porn.
Its a glorious Hell.
As the cherry on top, the version they watch has all the 1970s commercials completely intact.
One of which features Schneider fromOne Day at a Time!
He always has loads of fun.Why, here he is in Dallas in 1963!
Santa decides its a good idea and has them picked up and brought over in a magic helicopter.
Then they ride around on a rocket and look at Santas prized train set.
The Output:Its summed up perfectly when Kevin notes, Interesting.
I didnt know that David Lynch made a Christmas film.
The whole production is very creepy, reminiscent ofManos: Hands of Fates cinematography.
He comes off as a deranged murder suspect trying to lay low with a disguise.
We can understand maybe five percent of anything they have to say.
Finally, on the silver screen, the be-top-hatted spider-dog of my nightmares.
Unless…Im just having another nightmare.
He stumbles around and the ruckus makes them think in their dreams that Santa just fell down the chimney.
Sharing the same dream, they go downstairs and greet Santa.
From here, it becomes a cartoon about living toys having fun when the shop owner is gone.
The Output:The animated sequence is your usual old, black and white cartoon fare.
Why hes telling them about a spider kidnapping a toy, I dont know, but there you go.
This wont be the last questionable piece of Santa Claus storytelling.
Well get to that in a bit.
I have literally never seen anything as small and of no account as this tree.
To its surprise, its taken in by a family and set up in their cabin.
They decorate it for Christmas and give it the meaning it had been wanting for all this time.
The Output:You know, this one is almost decent, at least in concept.
The basic Christmas moral buried in there is rather touching.
Too bad the short has two things working against it.
One, its really boring.
Two, the tree is such a sad sack and wont shut up about how much it sucks.
Theres really nothing else to talk about here.
Well, maybe the fathers creepy scalp.
I need you tonight.WHOA!
This animated short is a completely different adaptation of the Rudolph song, predating the stop-motion special by decades.
Here, Rudolph lives in a reindeer civilization.
According to this short, animals live like humans around the globe in different sectors (ie.
a rabbit-only town) and the only known human being is Santa Claus.
Maybe this is a sequel toPeace on Earth.
Pretend you know what Im talking about.
The riffers all find themselves sexually confused by this.
Watch this!I saw Bam Margera do this onJackass!
So happy that she discards her older, rattier doll.
The Output:This is live-action and the doll is depicted with stop-motion animation.
To this shorts credit, the animation is incredibly well done, especially for such an old film.
Its also really horrifying and the riffers dont stop harping on that.
The little girl is so excited when any sane person would be in a fear coma.
I didnt know that.
Thats disturbing and a far bigger threat than getting coal in your stocking.
All he needs are elves in the background, playing jump rope.
The rest of the planet can ram it for all I care!
This is another adaptation of it, though without the bickering cartoon mice.
Otherwise, its fairly forgettable amongst the other freaky shorts and movies they watch.
Still, it is a dick move of Santa to give one kid a tiny toy shovel for Christmas.
Who the hell would want that?
His sleigh is partially buried in the sand and his reindeer have abandoned him.
The Output:God, where do I even start with this?
Its hard to sit through, but this is one of the most must-see riffs.
The Ice Cream Bunny is practically a mascot for RiffTrax (sorry, Disembaudio).
Its bad in every way.
Its an inconceivable mess.
The Santa parts are embarrassing to watch and make you feel really uneasy in its disturbing, low-rent cheesiness.
Then youre rescued from it thanks to Santa telling the story ofThumbelina.
This flashback is 50 minutes long and the entire movie is an hour and a half, so yeah.
Words cannot do this justice.
RiffTrax has two different versions of the movie.
In it, theThumbelinastuff was replaced withJack and the Beanstalk.
Plus theRiffTrax Liveversion includes several bonkers shorts beforehand.
The sequel toThe Ice Cream Bunnys Amos and Andy!
and delivers their presents, but one of them asks for a Punch and Judy puppet show.
Santa uses his magic to summon such a performance to the delight of the children.
The Output:Have you ever watched a Punch and Judy show?
Yeah, nobody goes out of their way to see one.
Theres nothing all that wrong with the kids, Santa, or the setup in this short.
The focus is just on what I imagine to be a skilled exhibition of puppeteering that hasnt aged well.
So yeah, fun for children.
Hes like some horrible Soviet Bloc animated version of Santa.His nose looks like an infected thumb!
Despite being the title character, he only gets about a minute of screen time anyway.
In this case, the tree accidentally catches on fire and the boy has to help put it out.
The most striking thing about this short is the never-ending parade of racism.
Lot of uncomfortable toys lounging in the shanty where Santy Claus lives.
Not only does it talk, but it will also grant him three wishes!
Unfortunately, the power goes to the boys head and his poor decisions put Christmas in some serious danger.
The movie is incredibly strange, but it gradually builds on it.
In the beginning, its almost straightforward, but it gets more and more questionable as the minutes pass.
For instance, theres a scene where the main characters family leaves to go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve.
The boy makes a wish to have ultimate power for a limited time (why a limited time?
What Christmas movie isnt complete without a greed-loving giant living in the mountains showing up out of nowhere?
Most notable is how the Ferocious Wolf is accompanied by loud, obnoxious accordion noises whenever he walks around.
Which is a lot.
Which reminds me, the Ferocious Wolf complaining about his ulcer is I kid you not his catchphrase.
The Output:This installment of theSantas Village of Madness Trilogyis easily the least coherent.
Seeing the costumed characters is complete bedlam and even the riffers give up in awe of the chaos.
But hey, no angry accordion music this time, so thats something.
Hes got a face like a squids anus!
Puss needs to gather an army together to face this beast and save Christmas.
The Output:So this giant ogre?
They never actually show him.
Well, except for a shot of a lame dinosaur statue that we see for a second.
I dont know if thats actually supposed to be the ogre.
Otherwise, the narrative is just another fever dream filmed with the tiniest budget.
Merlin ends up being the one to challenge the big monster and what a fight it is!
They never actually show any of it.
We just hear them off-screen while everyone else reacts.
The elves couldnt even do that right.
Ladies and gentlemen, a third-string ballerina on painkillers.
As a joke, she gives life to a handful of nearby toys.
The various toys dance and laugh, but are reluctant to be given off to children as lifeless gifts.
Not only have they taken to being alive, but theyve also grown attached to each other.
Whatever will Santa and the Snow Queen do?
The real star of this short is the Candy Lion.
Goddamn that repeating freak.
My finger isnt tired!Oh, God!
What is he about to do?!
It has its own unique whimsy.
Theres a good reason for that.
The movie is incredibly silly and ripe for mockery, yet at the same time completely and utterly watchable.
The RiffTrax version features the movie in its entirety, rather than the abridged version fromMST3K.
Dont you wish that your school bus looked like this?
!Packed with bearded lunatics and flanked by grim clowns?
The Output:This 1960s nightmare is the perfect B-side toSanta and the Ice Cream Bunny.
The first third of it is complete and utter nonsense.
There is a group of ballerinas who show up to dance for absolutely no reason.
The boy proceeds to hit on mermaids and plays hide-and-seek with a lobster thing.
If this was a game ofSki Free, the Abominable Snowman would have gobbled them up hours ago.
The two form a bond that allows them to survive the ordeal.
The Output:This Hanukkah story is absolutely miserable.
And you know how I just said that they form a bond that allows Aaron to survive?
Yeah, thats from him drinking milk directly from Zlateh.
Its fun to make things of sugar.
And they are good to eat.WHAT?
!Just grab a slice of instant diabetes, kids!
Here, we see how you’re able to use sugar to create festive Christmas ornaments.
Through creativity and hard work, you might make decorating a blast!
This Christmas-related one is no different.
Things come off as less festive and more gross and unpleasant.
And thats before the children start eating pure sugar.
If shes already sleeping, we might be able to see her dreams.Were in, children.
Lets get ready to begin our Christmas inception.
I wont lie to you: we might have to shoot our way out.
The Output:This is anotherMST3Kdouble-dip, but for good reason.
Did you know that he has a burly blacksmith working for him?
Or that Santa lives in space with little children from all around the world doing his bidding?
Or that he regularly fights the minions of Satan?
TheMST3Kversionmight be better, but it is nice getting to see the full cut of the movie for once.
Who and what are you?I amMeryl Streep.
I am good in everything.
Here, we get to see the movie in its abridged form and get through it in minutes.
The Output:Listen,A Christmas Carolhas a pretty solidified structure.
Abridging it simply does not work.
Basically, Marley introduces him to the Ghost of Christmas Present and thats enough to make a change.
Bridget puts it best: They edited the Dickens out of the movie!
They and their curmudgeonly associate go off to find the new king.
The Output:Honestly, this one isnt all that bad, really.
Its not the most memorable little short, but its fine for what it is.
Plus Im always distracted by how much the guy playing Joseph looks like CM Punk.
Its downright uncanny in some shots.
A real childs actual tears!
I know Im ready for Christmas!
Meanwhile, the children are captured by an ogre.
The Output:Did any of that sound lucid?
Because this French film is out there, man.
You know, even though theres an entire plot thread about African warlords kidnapping people.
Kids like that stuff, right?
You know that, Im the captain now!
Monkeys, you know, are very much like human beings in many ways.
And sometimes they do the very same things that we do.Why, heres a monkey Black Friday stampede!
The Output:Monkey Santa Claus.Really.
This short is barely being held together by a narrative.
Somehow, this was the sanest thing shown at theRiffTrax LiveforSanta and the Ice Cream Bunny.
Bricks on his face.
Hes a dragon.All dragons have bricks on their face.
A little girl has a pet dog, cat, mouse, and dragon.
The dragon, named Custard, is a bit of a coward and only wants to be let alone.
The short takes place in somebodys den and aesthetically, the whole thing is a weird mess.
Hannibal Lecters Christmas trees!Good God, hes keeping them alive!
This means being sold, being decorated, enduring Christmas, and, sadly, being discarded.
Shown in live-action, the trees are portrayed by mimes in tree costumes and facepaint.
The Output:Its cute, but also bewildering.
With zero dialogue, we watch these three guys mug at each other while Christmas stuff happens around them.
His face looks like a series of horrible wounds!That just started healing.What are the dots..?!
SANTAS CHRISTMAS CIRCUS (1966)
The Idea:Hey, kids!
Its time for Whizzo the Clown!
The Output:This ones best summed up right after the opening credits end.
No, hes a friendly and jokey clown, but hes also completely horrifying to look at.
Its incredibly uncomfortable to sit through.
The moment Santa delivers the toys to the little boy, it becomes complete and utter madness.
Its a bunch of bizarre toys who talk like what gives the impression of 1930s celebrities.
Smelly Christmas to you, is what I heard.
This place looks cozy.
I LIVE HERE NOW!
The Output:Its your usual fare on this one and not too much that sticks out.
I mean, Santa can only carry so many presents in that sack of his, right?
Spunky and Jeff are soon aided by a bear, but can even he keep them safe?
The Output:The guys name is Spunky.
You know exactly what kind of jokes youre getting the second you see that title.
Otherwise, its an animated story that tries to be whimsical, but is really just nonsense.
The gambit pays off and leads to a romance between a Texan with a golden voice and a schoolteacher.
Unfortunately, tragedy strikes the old men and they have to help the couple out from beyond the grave.
The output:This movie (originally known asBeyond Tomorrow) is actually pretty damn good.
Even Bridget and Mary Jo find themselves getting invested in whats going on when they should be telling jokes.
Might have made the supernatural and uplifting stuff pop more.
Seriously, what the Hell is going on with the mitten tree?!
This leads to her explaining how children from different countries celebrate Christmas in varying ways.
The output:As we all know, different = funny.
So its a Christmas pageant within a short about the attempt to rehearse a Christmas pageant.
Armed and dangerous!None of my quips are funny but some…make very little sense!
The problem is, everything he says falls flat or is complete nonsense.
He constantly stumbles on his own attempts at charisma.
Its still better than the sequel, which was one of those cringeworthy intentionally bad gems.
Theyre quietly chanting to that tree right now….I think the tree might be marrying them.This is horrible!
As they dream of trees in the winter, Santa Claus appears to deliver gifts.
Its only just over five minutes, so there isnt much happening here.
The Output:Despite its short runtime, this one really meanders.
The way the kids stare at the tree like theyre about to be murdered by the Blair Witch.
The endless shots of trees with no leaves on them.
The money shot of this short is when Santa shows up.
It seriously looks like Leatherface is pretending to be Santa here and its HORRIFYING.
As the guys put it, even Krampus is freaked out by this Santa.
Santa, I wrote you a new song!Oh, good!
Thatll get me hammered.
The output:The first half is normal enough, despite little of interest happening.
Right when the Santa stuff happens, things get weird and creepy.
This is another one of those oddball shorts or movies where theres a framing equipment thats forgotten about.
The boy never wakes up from his dream or anything.
It just ends with him hanging out with creepy Santa and his underage harem.
!No!Its a Christmas miracle!No, no!
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1959)
The idea:I explainedChristmas Carolearlier.
The output:This ones by Coronet Films, meaning its old as hell and feels cheap.
This ones still fairly watchable, even if the riffs are well-deserved.
This isnt so muchA Miracle on 34th Streetas it isA Horse Who Took a Dump on 34th Street.
Little do these visitors realize that their hosts are none other than Santa Claus and his wife!
!It even takes place in the same house.
At least withTalking Cat!?
!there weretwoseparate houses used.
Here, its just the one.
Its a hell of a lineup of actors.
Mrs. Claus starred in RiffTrax targetHonor and Glory.
The egomaniac scientist guy in this movie is the JCVD knockoff fromMST3KsFuture War.
Santa himself is played by Robert Mitchums son.
It never reachesTalking Cat!?
!levels of batshit, but its still stupid as a pile of rocks.
Theyre buying a brother?!
The commercialism does nothing for him and makes him feel hollow.
The output:Again, this one is halfway decent.
All in all, it tells a really sweet story.
It just happens to have a few awkward aspects to it.
Theres no such thing as Santa Claus.
As one family gets ready for Christmas, they gradually come to realize how doomed they truly are.
The Output:RiffTrax was kind of slick on this one.
Then, just a couple months later, they released a riff on its Christmas-themed sequel.
While I do suggest watching the first one, you wont be too lost if you dont.
And now I will read you this editorial.The Rent is Too Damn High!
Various adults give a shot to assure her of his existence despite admitting that theyve never actually met him.
She ends up writing to the newspaper and asks them.
Egged on by an ambitious paperboy, the newspapers editor decides to publish his response for everyone to read.
Thats what this cartoon is.
Its also very dull, what with them trying to add a narrative to the whole newspaper editorial.
There is some real heart in it, but it doesnt work as a whole.
Probably my favorite part is when the Yes, Virginia editorial is read out loud.
Despite the simplistic animation, the peoples reactions are emotional.
Some kids seem humbled.
Some adult couples embrace.
All of this was in Dickens first draft, by the way.
Even the goofy music.
Namely that he keeps it in his mattress.
I get trying to map your lesson onto a preexisting story, but think it through a little!
Its completely inane, but at least the guy playing Scrooge seems like hes having a fun time.
The birth of Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen.
Thats what its all about.
There isnt some kind of last-second evidence of Santa or something.
Otherwise, this is just your average off-brand Looney Tunes cartoon.
And now the ancient tradition of giving a present to Tommy Lasorda.
The Output:I mean, thats…pretty much it.
Theres nothing wacky about this short.
Its pretty dull, but its a decent enough target for Mike, Bill, and Kevin.
Sometimes you dont need an Ice Cream Bunny to have a good time.
Just want to double-check youre okay.And that you dont give birth to a CGI vampire baby.
ThatsBaby of the Bride, pretty much.
This family collectively gets divorced more than they get their cars oil checked.
It just takes a long time to get there.
I think this guy was a boss inCuphead.
Can the child destroy what he created before the malevolent snow beast goes too far?
So much crazy shit is compressed into this package.
Still, its better than thatSnowmanmovie with Harry Hole getting all the clues.
