In its special episodes, Saved By The Bell wasn’t afraid to get real.
All together now, “I’m so excited!
I’m so excited!…”
Saved By The Bellwasnt just Zack and Slater having a dance off.
However, the show also tried its hand at a number of very special episodes.
I grew up watchingSaved By The Bell, and thanks to its teachings I am a well adjusted individual.
in what is supposed to be a serious episode.
So you have Elizabeth Berkley to thank for Im so excited!
And then she was inShowgirls.
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Wooooooo count:8.
Weirdly, one is for Kelly running, and one is when Mr Belding comes into the room.
This episode is dedicated to the evils of doing drugs.
Not proper drugs, not like Zammo did inGrange Hill, but wussy drugs like weed.
The gang get roped into doing an anti-drugs PSA.
Because, you know, they are the only teenagers in the world.
Whenever something requires30 year old actorsteenagers to do something, Bayside High is the first place you look.
Also, if Johnny Dakota didnt pick Bayside, there probably wouldnt be an episode.
People are drinking and having casual hookups, and the guys are somehow fine with that.
The problems start when Johnny and his friends break out the smallest joint in the world.
Kelly promptly shits herself.
Also, what is it with Kelly wearing orange in this episode?
The guys make their excuses and leave.
The next day, Zack puts Johnny firmly in his place by declaring I thought you were real cool.
So it looks like the PSA is off.
This renders the whole episode pointless.
Ill go for the first one.
Which applies to no one on the planet.
Oh, spoiler, a duck dies.
Bayside has struck oil!
And they saySaved By The Bellnever tackles realistic topics.
We learn that pond pals are slimy but fun.
Zack strolls into the class carrying a duck, as you do.
Im sorry Im late but I think this duck is hurt!
This is stupid and irrelevant to the episode.
Everyone knows that ducks dont live in ponds, but in nests and in Joey and Chandlers flat.
That sentence has led me down a hideous mental alleyway.
Anyway, Zack offers to take the duck home for the weekend (this isnt helping).
Why not focus on alternative energy like the sun?
Jessie:
A) Have you been to Doncaster?B) Shut up.
The rest of them slap her down.
Slater causes the only wooooo by pointing out Jessies rubbish earrings are made of oil.
The oil drilling goes ahead, despite Jessies whinging.
However, the next day there is an oil spill on the football field and the pond.
Becky is covered in oil and dead!
This is quite upsetting until Screech says Shes where the oil cant hurt her now.
The situation gets worse when all the pond pals die from the oil spill.
Zack is now firmly anti-oil.
The gang bully Mr Belding into calling off the drilling.
But Mr Beldings power with the school board is limited, unlike Zacks.
Zack and his friends celebrate losing all this money with a group high-five.
Moral of the story:Oil is evil.
Zack is supreme ruler of the universe, and all shall bow down before him.
After 30 seconds, every single viewer gets that Jessie has a lot on her plate.
What follows is something Ive never seen apart from onSaved By The Bell.
Jessie begins a downward spiral into what Slater charmingly calls drugs, leading to psychosis and terrible singing.
If I were Jessie, that would give me the confidence of a trodden-on Greggs pasty.
Wooooooo count:None.
Not even when Lisa kisses Screech under the mistletoe.
Everyone conveniently has a job at the mall.
Apart from Lisa, who is volunteering at a hospital.
This prompts Zacks mother to declare sometimes the best gifts are the ones you cant wrap.
Later on, Zack and Screech meet a guy who turns out to be homeless.
Could he be connected to the mysterious running away girl?
Later later on, Zack catches up with running away girl, who we find out is called Laura.
I must admit, this scene does get you in the feelings a bit.
When they arrive at him room they find Laura visiting him.
Hes Lauras dad, thats why!
Continued after the cliffhanger.
There is, however, still the problem of Laura not being allowed to be in the Christmas play.
And the whole theyre homeless thing.
Zack invites the Lauras over for dinner as soon as Mr Laura gets out of hospital.
Actually, Kelly had bought the jacket as a surprise for Mr Laura.
Its a nice ending.
Christmas specials always make me a bit weepy.
Its got nothing to do with the gin.
Moral of the story:I dunno.
Homeless people have feelings too?
Especially if one of them is hot.
I wish it was Christmas.
Stupid flies everywhere and having a sweaty arse.
For Zack topless, but not a single wooooo for Slater topless.
Im not going to tell you what this episode is about.
Anyone who cant figure it out is a fucking idiot.
I should point out that this is a Tori episode.
On to the plot.
Theres a big homecoming party!
Lisa is homecoming queen because Kelly doesnt exist anymore.
They decide to have a toga party, because.
At the party, we discover that someone has bought six whole cans of beer!
Seriously, there isnt enough beer at this party for each person to even have half a can each.
But apparently everyones going to get hideously drunk.
I suspect Slater might have been drinking before the party, which would explain this awesome toga/white socks/trainers combo.
After a night of boring debauchery, its time to leave.
But no one can drive, because theyve all had a teaspoon of beer.
No one, that is, except Zack, who is superhuman and can do anything.
Theyd be singing along to Kriss Kross.
However, this plan fails when Slater realises hes too injured from the crash to play.
The rest of the team arent angry, theyre just disappointed.
But the good times cant last forever, and Lisas mum eventually finds out about the crash.
She finds out because Zack breaks down and confesses everything to her and his dad.
Even though he only sniffed an unopened can of beer.
Dont get me wrong, I am massively against drink driving.
Its up there on my list of things to never do, along with saying Wowcher.
Moral of the story:Dont drink and drive.
Or, if you do, be better at lying.
