Spotted those shiny boxed horror movies in your local Tesco?

Craig’s watched them.

Theres a certain jot down of horror film fan who enjoys a challenge.

Perhaps they like a sense of adventure with their films.

Perhaps theres also an element of gambling.

For example, they might buy a boxset of theAlienQuadrilogy.

Four seemingly reasonable films but theres an element of both chance and endurance.

Can you sit through nearly eight hours ofAlienfilms?

And, if you might, how many of them will you like?

So bear with me.

There are very rarely screenshots from the films on the back.

In terms of the knock-offs, the first I remember seeing was the appropriately titledWrong House.

From there, I became intrigued.

It was too tempting.

As the artwork and title rarely correlate to the content, this was a beautifully packaged Russian Roulette.

Will I get a haunted house movie?

Will there even be a house in it?

The first third is almost watchable despite some choppy editing and an obvious low budget.

But really, theres only so much stew and bickering you’ve got the option to take.

At 100 minutes, its way too long and talky.

This one stars a guy called Matt Thompson who also writes and directs it.

Its all too bland and clean-cut.

I know Ive focused on the message but it really does kind of override everything else.

), the FX are all very cheap CGI and none of it makes any sense.

But, yknow, at least there is actually a cabin in it…

Title:The Lodge

Original Title:THE LODGE!

In fact, if they hadnt included the absurd cover quote The Shining Meets Cabin In The Woods!

(its nothing like either, obviously), this would be fairly truthful packaging.

Here, we have a couple show up to a lodge thats already occupied by a mysterious handyman.

and some bafflingly 1990s-influenced fashion.

The male lead has a heroic mullet and the bad guy has curtains and a goatee!

Its supposed to be set in 2008.

Maybe Colorados a bit retro?

Title:The Factory

Original Title:Death Factory (Not sure why they took the death out?

Unlike in actual real estate, the inclusion of death should increase sales of these properties!)

Whats With The House?So houses and cabins and lodges arent working out so well.

Theres a factory here with exactly the same look so lets try that… Actually, maybe not.

This one is pretty special.

Unfortunately the script feels like it was written by a 13 year old boy with severe ADHD.

and whenever theres an excuse for two girls to start kissing, theyll take it!

Oh boy, will they take it!

Its idiotic but in a way so spectacularly boneheaded, I almost had to marvel at it.

Title:Dark House

Original Title:Darkroom (One rooms not enough darkness!

The public demand more darkness!

Darken the whole damn house!)

Title:The Bleeding House

Original Title:The Bleeding (Probably my favourite retitling.

If you liked it then you shoulda put a House on it.)

Whats With The House?Despite the hilarious retitle, this is actually a pretty good film.

I havent just lost my mind from the previous ones.

So lets see whats next door…

Title:Blood Cabin

Original Title:Murder Loves Killers Too (What the?

Things can always get worse.

If these movies really were houses, this wouldnt even be a shed.

No, really).

This is interminable but made somehow even worse by the films inability to stick to a tone.

Its hard to believe a story so slight can be so preposterous but this is just an awful mess.

Theres a strong case to have this property condemned.