WhenStreet Fighter IIbecame such a success in the early 90s, many competitors tried to ride the wave.
Other games decided to useStreet Fighter IIas a foundation and make something new, such asMortal Kombat.
The latter series led to the same kind of behavior.
None of them are fondly remembered.
After all, its still better than fellowKombatknockoffsSurvival ArtsandShadow: War of Ascension.
Tattoo Assassinsis thePlan 9 From Outer Spaceof video games.
At least not officially.
Not the worst idea.
Kind of a trashy, Americanized version ofJojos Bizarre Adventure.
We have our writer/director with name recognition.
We have our concept.
We have a foundation fromMortal Kombat.
Data East put together a team of developers to finish the game.
Company pressure over an unrealistic deadline eventually led to the plug being pulled on the game.
Thats why I take issue when people claim thatTattoo Assassinswas half-assed.
Its simply not true.
They were really into the game for months.
Mathematically, it was more 3/4-assed.
2/3-assed at the very least.
The game received just enough hype for people like myself to remember it over 20 years later.
You would pick your character through perusing around her naked back.
Sure, why not.
The only big deal was former Oakland Raiders cheerleader Gretchen Stockdale, who played vengeful stripper Hannah Hart.
Even if they sidestepped that piece of headline news, they at least had Karla Keller.
Okay, so maybe Gale peaked with the initial tattoo gimmick.
They arent all fugitives, though.
The others are mostly out for revenge, including the aforementioned Hannah and Karla.
Finally, theres Truck Davis, also out for revenge, after his biker gang was killed by rivals.
The bosses include Rhyna, a large half-woman/half-rhinoceros, and Deke Kay, a shambling zombie and walking pun.
He doesnt even have a gimmicky tattoo.
Rather than make the bosses naturally harder, the programmers just sped up their behaviors.
Uppercut Deke Kay and hell be back on his feet before you could even recover.
It ends up animating all too fast.
Coincidentally, the three women all have endings based on cutting his wang off.
Because of course they do.
and it scrolls down.
Okay, so two things about this.
Even if youre going to actually fight Koldan!
is the most 90s thing imaginable in this schlocky game.
They couldnt beat them with substance, but perhaps they had a chance with style.
Nothing graphic, mind you.
InMortal Kombat 3, you could become an animal and maul your victim.
InTattoo Assassins, you would transform youropponentinto some kind of animal.
So lets talk about the Fatalities.
Everyone had a few Fatalities of their own, along with some that were based around their magic tattoos.
Billy could summon his phoenix to fly over his enemy and melt them with flaming bird poop.
Truck could devour his opponent with his giant snake tattoo.
Tak had his two-headed dragon bite each end of his opponent and tear him/her.
His tattoo also mutated into a smiling, two-headed Barney, which caused his enemies to keel over.
Just another friendly reminder that this game was made in the 90s.
The fighter bends over and poops out a turkey.
Like, a cooked turkey on a plate.
It then flies into the opponent and knocks him/her over.
One version of the game claimed that the game had just over 200 Fatalities.
Another claimed an exact 2196.
Thats a total bullshit number, as you’re free to probably guess.
Or maybe they were just straight up lying because they stopped caring.
At first, even more competition rose from new fighters likePrimal RageandKiller Instinct.
Hell,Primal Rageeven ate their lunch by introducing fart moves and a urine-based Fatality.
Only a few arcade cabinets were made and fewer survived after SEGA has most of them destroyed.
But does it really deserve that?
Sure, its not all that great, but it does have its certain awkward charm.
Despite all of this, you know what blows my mind the most?
No, its this.
There could have been aTattoo Assassinscomic book!
Sweet Jesus, that would have beenamazing!
Wait, Archie does all the SEGA comics these days, right?
Somebody get them on the phone!
I have a pitch about an Olympic figure skater who can crap out projectile turkey dinners!
