Even if they dont mean to, some kids movies are destined to leave youngsters with deep psychological scars.
Entertainment aimed at kids is a tricky bit of business.
Cute and fuzzy animals help, too.
These same parents then wondered why the hell their kids didnt seem to appreciate these classic cartoons anymore.
So I snuck up to the drugstore and read it chapter by chapter over the course of a summer.
), and sure, with your Internets and what not were living in a different age.
Kids can log on and watch real beheadings if they like.
Lots and lots of nightmares for years to come without their overprotective parents ever understanding why.
Problem is, the disguise is a creepy scarecrow mask.
Im not sure why he opted for the creepy scarecrow.
Its a little less than comforting.
I think they were just trying to screw with our heads.
(The witch is played by Hermione Gingold fromGigiandThe Music Man.)
Well, after some initial friction they work out an agreement.
What makes them magic, see, is that they make everyone who takes a bite real happy.
Smiles and uncontrollable giggling follow.
I guess it wouldve been a little too obvious if the witch had made Happiness Brownies.
But thats the thing.
I mean cmon, people eat pancakes, then see flashing colored lights, then get real happy?
What the hell else do you need?
What was troubling was that none of our teachers seemed willing to admit this.
In fact they acted like they had no idea what we were talking about.
And THATS just plain creepy.
Not only is Terwilliker a sadistic tyrant, he also seems to be making moves on Barts mother.
Bart, meanwhile, secretly hopes his mom will get involved with the plumber instead.
Back then it was like dropping a long clip fromEraserheadinto the middle ofGilligansIsland.
It made my head hurt, and it scared me.
Charlottes Web (1973)
The astronomically popular animated adaptation of E.B.
With charlotte working as his one-spider p.r.
team, his fame grows.
DIES, ya hear me?
End of the movie she poots out a big egg sac, curls up, and DIES.
And Wilbur, presumably, goes on to become an Easter dinner for some fat Midwestern family.
Toss everything you think you know about Santa out the window, because it simply doesnt apply here.
), I gotta say Hell seems preferable.
In the end its a masterwork of accidental and disturbing Surrealism thats far more frightening than it is joyous.
Maybe thats why Cardona found it easier to switch to straight horror later in his career.
Thats why I always found I felt uneasy and a little nauseous by the time the closing credits ran.
The messages werent always subliminal either.
Sometimes they were just plain, um, liminal.
What the hell kinda Christmas present is that?
Goddamn train with square wheels.
And what kind of future awaits these sad sack toys?
Whatever kid gets them will probably just set them on fire or rip their arms out or something.
Even worse than the mutant toys is Hermie, the gay elf who wants to be a dentist.
When we first see him, hes about to rip the tooth out of a doll.
What kind of sick fuck is this?
You almost expect him to ask the rag doll, Is it safe?
Then at the end, Hermie saves the day how?
By grabbing a big honking pliers and ripping out all the Bumbles teeth.
Is it safe, indeed.
That creepy sadistic little fucker.
Calling him Satans Chosen Son would be an insult to Satan.
Or maybe its not that he hated children, exactly, but parents.
Bambis mom gets blown away, Dumbos mom gets snatched, theres that pederast Gepetto, Christ.
I have no trouble with the Night on Bald Mountain sequence.
No, what got to me was The Sorcerers Apprentice.
All those marching, faceless mops, all that splashing water.
In fact as far as film adaptations of Dahl go,The Witchesmight be the more obvious contender here.
Trouble is,The Witchesis a little too obviously and deliberately dark.
Thats not what unnerved me, though.
Especially when one tries to do a cartwheel.
He sniffs the air and in that leering, whining voice says, I smell CHILDREN!
But maybe thats just me.
Darby OGill and the Little People (1959)
Disneys at it again.
What is it with these people?
Its bright and breezy and light.
He hears the screaming, opens the door, and the Banshee swoops down from the sky.
Lets just say I hadnt been expecting that one at all.
Sometimes I still expect this.
To my mind those films that claimed to be horror films had nothing onDarby OGill and the Little People.
And perhaps the most terrifying thing of all about it?
I mean beyond even the Banshee and the hearse?
Its so far as I know the one and only film in which Sean Connery sings.
Even without the witch or the Munchkins,Wizard of Ozwould be the champ.
The film is an endless parade of assorted separation anxieties and one unsettling image after another.
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