Poundland has been selling Blu-rays!
And we’ve been buying and watching them!
Tornado Warning, anyone?
Ive covered theDVD section of Poundlandbefore.
Unfortunately, hunting for DVDs in Poundland has become a bit of a dead sport.
Thats not what I go to Poundland for.
Im shopping for strangeness!
Thankfully, the game has been reinvigorated.
Over the last few months Ive started to see Blu-ray discs in Poundland.
A Blu-ray for a pound?
Thats too good a deal to pass up.
Needing an excuse to buy from Poundland again, I decided to make an article of it.
I picked up a range of Blu-rays.
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Heres how I got on with the Blu-rays of Poundland.
Cover suggests:DTV action movie starring a bald man and an exploding plane.
Goss Bros per Dead Drop:One.
Perfect Poundland accompaniment:Puzzlebook.
Dead Dropopens with bad guys shooting Luke Goss and chucking him out of a plane.
Of course, revenge against the bad guys isnt the only thing he has to worry about.
He had only been on a plane with those villainous dirtbags because he was working undercover for the CIA.
He also has a girlfriend to protect and a mystery about some missing money to solve.
This one doesnt start too badly.
It opens with someone being punched in the face, which I found incredibly endearing.
The first 20 minutes are quite pleasant.
Its unspectacular but entertaining enough.
Guys, he a-salts him!
Unfortunately, not long in the film gets stuck in a loop.
Its the same thing again and again.
Even when it unloops itself it doesnt really feel any different.
Its just really, really boring.
This ones a dud.
Cover suggests:That I have bad judgement.
Sciences per pound:Many, many sciences.
Perfect Poundland accompaniment:Do you think the Toblerone is in date?
They wouldnt sell it if it wasnt, would they?
It just seems cheap for a Toblerone is all.
Tornado Warningis a 2012 movie that was made for TV.
Its about a small farm town just outside of Chicago that gets hit with a tornado.
Before long these bizarre glowing tornados are pulling the town to pieces and shady government operatives start popping up.
Its just our introduction to the theme of every character being a relentless, whinging puddle of nevermind.
Bullshit, is she.
The characters are a bit like The Raggy Dolls reimagined by a dickhead.
Youre trying to hide something.
What is it, some new kind of twister because of, what, runaway global warming?
Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the worst line of dialogue in cinema history.
Its delivered like the actress learned about sarcastic putdowns from watchingDawsons Creekwhile taking bathsalts.
Dont judge, weve all done, if not that specifically, at least similar.
There are a lot of wonky lines inTornado Warning, but thats probably for the best.
Itd be really frustrating to hear the cast fumble every single line if any of it was good.
It also features one of the weirdest car chases Ive ever seen.
Its one driver aggressively pursuing another and screaming at him to warn him about driving into a tornado.
So, hes chasing him into the tornado to attempt to warn him about it.
Then they venture to run each other off the road.
Even the tornado thought they were idiots.
So, anyway, it turns out the tornados are controlled by aliens.
I was kind of disappointed the pregnant horse didnt turn out to be an alien.
Id have made that the plot and called the filmNeighliens.
I found this one to be dead boring, though, which is unforgivable.
Its well Syfy and just isnt worth the minutes or the pound.
Cover suggests:Slick gangster movie starring 50 Cent.
50 Cents per pound:At the current exchange rate, about three.
Perfect Poundland accompaniment:Two Pot Noodles.
Look, Im only a writer.
I cant be expected to synopsise a Danny Dyer film better than Danny Dyers character in the film can.
Over to you, Britains Danniest Dyer.
Ow the fackin ell are we ganna raise undred grand in twenny four aaars?
Nick and Bing have gone straight and are trying to make a living selling holidays.
Has anyone been looking for the London gangster movie cliches?
Good news; Ive found every single one of them.
Dead Man Runninghas the feel of a film that was made for at least a modest budget.
Its basically just a Poundland tribute toSnatch.
Much of the film repeats that pattern, offering up similarities that fall miles short.
Perhaps the most obvious misfire is the dialogue.
Every line plays like a desperate grab for Richies characters memorable rapport.
The thing is, its clearly very difficult to write and very difficult to perform.
Thats what madeLock, Stock And Two Smoking BarrelsandSnatchso special.
The failed attempt to recreate that here attaches a weight toDead Man Runnings ankle.
Still,Dead Man Runningisnt without its moments.
Theres a scene in particular that mixes football commentary with a drug deal that works really well.
Its inventive and well realised.
I like the bit where 50 is looking through a book of accounts.
I wondered whether he was checking everything was in order or just looking for his own name.
Hell yeah player, G-Unit!
What the fuck is a pence?
Dead Man Running, then, is another dud.
Its derivative, boring and lazy.
Cover suggests:That one step can change your world.
Slammin beats per pound:A headache full.
Perfect Poundland accompaniment:Mug with a picture of a kitten on.
Step Up 4: Miami Heatprovided the biggest surprise of all the films I bought.
Despite no indication on the cover, the disc included both the 2D and 3D versions of the film.
I popped my special glasses on and sat back, ready to enjoy an entire pound of 3D entertainment.
The film is set in an alternative reality where, apparently, dancing is incredibly dangerous.
I would have liked to see these anti-boogie executioners and rave-squashing skull crushers.
Maybe theyll be the focus of part 5.
Hilariously, the dance troupe are called The Mob, and theyre repeatedly talked about on the news.
In one scene, a character is given a solemn talking-to by his sister.
Do you have any idea what will happen if you get caught?
Probably a small fine?
Theyre in far more danger from the psychos of Miami.
The trouble makers ofStep Up 4are wriggly over wrought sweethearts.
I think a big part of my problem with this film is me.
Im in my 30s and am grumpy.
I found that Im not built to watch a full film like this.
Still, a 3D Blu-ray for a pound?
They had the two discDie Hardspecial edition and the older release ofDie Hard 2.
That is a lot of incredible for two pounds.
Die Hardis a well loved film at Den of Geek.
Yippee ki-yay, Poundland shoppers!
