Sadly, they knocked us back, muttering something about restraining orders and bloody good security.
Nevertheless, we felt we should still pay them a tribute.
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Rule Number OneDont propose in the middle of a big blockbuster…
Couples in superhero movies rarely have the easiest path to the altar.
Granted, he cunningly enlists the help of Bruce Campbell to try and buy some extra time.
Rule Number Two…but its okay to get married in the middle of one.
Dont your worry your little heads if the world is under attack from aliens, and doom is impending.
Theres always going to be a bit of time for you to slip a quick wedding in.
Rule Number ThreeIts best not to hold the stag night too close to the wedding.
The poor chaps ofThe Hangover?
Even purer-than-snow Tom Hanks fell foul, in 1984sBachelor Party.
We had higher hopes for Tom.
A simple assumption, then: stag nights always go wrong.
Rule Number FiveVet The Guests.
Rule Number SixVet The Guests.
Rule Number SevenVet The Guests.
Hopefully, were getting the message across by now.
Rule Number Eight
Cut the If anyone knows of any lawful impediment… line from the service.
Youre just asking for trouble, there.
Rule Number NineBe sure that the vicar is not Ted Danson.
He has, to our knowledge, never been ordained.
Couples in the movies sometimes get thrown together for all the wrong reasons.
Take poor Tom Cruise.
InJerry Maguire,he plays a sports agent.
A pretty good sports agent.
However, whats this?
They get married, because itll be good for their new business?
How can that work?
Especially given that its happened early on in the second act of the movie?
Heres the message, friends: you’re gonna wanna separate quickly.
you better go off and do other things, and maybe spend some time with Cuba Gooding Jr. Youll swiftly realise you were better off at home.
Even if it is with Bridget Jones…
Rule Number ElevenNo guns in church.
The dry cleaning bill must have been horrendous, and the photos would have been ruined.
(Pub trivia fact: Tarantinos working title forKill Billwas, in fact, Killer Dry Cleaning Bill.)
Rule Number TwelveBeware old mobsters as father-in-laws.
Not, as you might think, because theyre sinister.
Rather, because theyre embarrassing.
Theres something about people who appeared in gangster films suddenly taking on a father-in-law role, though.
The problem, though, comes when said gangster alumni think theyre funny.
Truthfully, its probably best just to laugh at their jokes.
Take poor Robert De Niro.
The same applies inWedding Crashers,where up pops Christopher Walken.
The rule is this: have a look throughThe Godfathertrilogy,GoodfellasandThe Deer Hunter,just as a precaution.
As always, its best to be on the safe side.
Further tips:
If you missed out on your true love first time round, dont worry.
You might still get the chance if George Lucas needs a few quid.
Just ask Karen Allen.
If all else fails, get James Bond to sing a song.
Logic does not have to take centre stage at a wedding.
And one final tip: confirm your best man isnt Steve Buscemi.
Glad we could help.
