There are profound messages to be discovered in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 comedy vehicle Kindergarten Cop.
This article comes fromDen of Geek UK.
This article contains spoilers for Kindergarten Cop.
Not much has been heard there for a long time, though.
What I learned from rewatchingKindergarten Cop,though, is just what a harsh piece of work it is.
Encouraged by the family-friendly poster, parents at the time must have wondered what theyd walked into.
His toughest battle ever!
Then the film goes all harsh again, then the credits role, and the cutesy font returns.
Then you have to try and make some sense out of it.
Actually, who am I kidding?
You dont at all.Kindergarten Copwas and is a hoot, and I shamelessly like it.
Thus, when faced with troublesome children, new teachers dont go in unprepared.
Assuming theyve passed the police checks.
Predictably, John Kimbles first days in the classroom do not go well.
He deploys a whistle and a ferret.
Furthermore, the ferret is acting like shot later in the film, yet survives.
In a fire alarm situation, one member of the class has to take personal responsibility for the ferret.
Much to the chagrin of the one who badly wanted the job, but didnt get it.
In a different Arnie movie, this could all take a more violent turn.
We could have all saved ourselves half an hour.
David Cronenberg does a wonderful homage to it inEastern Promises shower fight.
Er, moving on.
Not only that, a very good teacher with extensive experience.
We are told this in a manner that convinces us it is important.
So then: Once Arnies operation is complete, where does she go?
The ending basically implies that Arnie goes back to work at the school.
Arnie announces Im back, which hardly suggests hes there for a fleeting visit.
Everybody celebrates including, er, the teacher in the corner of the room.
Is she the original teacher?
Either way, it looks like her job is basically buggered.
Arnie likes to hold a whistle when he kisses a lady
Its true, look.
We bet he doesnt take his manly socks off in bed either.
But you have to tip your hat and acknowledge how seriously America takes this stuff.
The first 20 minutes are for the 80s Arnie fan, the remainder for a family audience.
But at second glance?
Its that lady we saw earlier in the film, who witnessed a murder!
Now shes taken an overdose and shes dead!
As foretold, incidentally, by one of Kimbles young students, who is insistent that everyone dies.
Not everyone even gets to the 90 minute mark though, it seems.
By the end of the film, more dead bodies appear.
It is right that children get the appropriate schooling in Schwarzenegger, after all.
BeforeBatman & Robinwould get them seven years later.
This was a revelation.
InTwins, Arnie plays the goofy, innocent one.
But hes a more hardened character inKindergarten Cop, which makes his softening all the more heartwarming.
Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina
Finally, the most crucial revelation of all.
Although the Dolph Lundgren-headlinedKindergarten Cop 2isnt awful…
This article originally appeared in 2014 and has been updated.
