In cartoons, baddies always lose, and goodies always win.
It’s just not fair.
Jenny argues Skeletor should have won…
Ive undergone a complete personality transplant since I was a kid.
Growing up, I was always terrified of He-Mans cackling arch nemesis Skeletor.
Come to think of it, I was a bit uneasy around skeletons in general.
I hate to think how I would have reacted to that revelation.
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I love Skeletor.
Firstly, He-Man is a self righteous do-gooder, and no one likes that.
Come to think of it, Im probably doing him a favour by giving him something to do.
I could maybe put up with it if all He-Man did was rescue idiots.
But he also interferes with things that are none of his business.
He cant get through half an hour without nagging some poor sap into being more like him.
Imagine a world where Skeletor regularly hands He-Mans ass to him on a plate.
We wouldnt have to sit and listen to Skeletor crap on about always doing your best.
Hed probably be all Hey kids, have some beer!
If Skeletor ruled Eternia, there would be no moral of todays story.
Which brings me on to He-Mans family, and those knuckle dragging colleagues he surrounds himself with.
The Burger King, the Burger Kings simpering wife, Teela pretzel tits, and Tom Selleck.
Well, I can sleep soundly in my bed knowing that these asswagons are in charge of Eternia.
And Orco doesnt count, because hes about four years old and no one cares about him anyway.
I know everyone talks about this, but thats because its important and needs talking about.
He-Mans entourage are idiots.
Teela is by far the worst.
Along with that girl from the BT advert, she is rapidly becoming my arch enemy.
Ill get to that in a minute.
He-Mans parents, Derek and Mavis, are ignorant to an inconceivable degree.
They dont recognise their own son, even when all hes done is strip down to his bra.
You know what I think?
I think they do know Prince Adam is He-Man, they just choose to ignore this fact.
I should probably point out for the sake of fairness that Queen Mavis might know He-Mans true identity.
However, she still loses for thinking this somehow makes her some sort of genius.
And it doesnt excuse Derek.
At the very least, Derek should wake up one morning and think Hey, you know what?
That He-Man looks a lot like our son Adam.
I mean, I know it cant possibly be our son or anything, for reasons.
But they do look like they could be related.
Mavis honey, is there anything you want to tell me?
And then theres Teela.
If I was Prince Adam, Id have had the following outburst a long time ago
That does it.
Im sick of being your lap monkey.
YOU KNOW IM HE-MAN, STOP PRETENDING YOU DONT!
Get your own coffee from now on!
In fact, Im a goddamn prince!
Off with your head!
Again, consider a world where Skeletor is in charge.
He wouldnt put up with Teelas nonsense.
And shed have to pay for them.
Skeletor has more important badassery to be getting on with than doing errands for Teela.
But her father has always been too busy being Tom Selleck to notice or care.
Having said that, this could be a double trolling manoeuvre.
Would he just go around throwing out spoilers at everyone?
On the other hand, wouldnt this just make Skeletor look as stupid as the rest of them?
Of course, this doesnt matter, because Skeletor would get a pass, because I love him.
They may lead children to idealize such qualities.
The world has never seen such a backsassing baddie.
He treats his minions and his girlfriend the same way.
The other thing I love about Skeletor is that he gets stuff done.
If the show followed any sort of logic, Skeletor would always win.
This would be televised for free.
Its what Skeletor would do.
Find more from Jenny at her website,World Of Crap.
