WrestleManiahas always been pushed as WWEs biggest show of the year and many times, it reaches that potential.
But the thing to realize is that WWE is most certainly not perfect.
If you were to marathon everyWrestleManianon-stop, it would take you about four or five days.
So lets celebrate the badness that intertwines with the Macho Madness.
The bowel movements that stand alongside the Yes Movement.
The political masturbation that can be watched by the whole Cenation.
Here are the 100 worstWrestleManiamoments.
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100.
They were so protected that within a couple minutes, the match ended in a double disqualification.
Hacksaw was able to send Bad News packing, but also packing was Hacksaws nostril.
I cant blame him.
Were starting pretty high-brow on this list.
Lets keep it going with talk about poop.
Extrahost and WWE fan Maria Menounos got to team up with Kelly Kelly against Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres.
There were three factors in this match that mixed in an unfortunate way.
First, Maria Menounos wore white pants as part of her ring attire.
Second, she and Kelly Kelly performed the Stinkface on Eve.
Lastly, Eve was caked in fake tanner.
Put that recipe together and you have Menounos wrestling with a big, brown streak on her pants.
KURT ANGLE VS. KANE
WrestleMania X-8
In the early 00s, Kane was in his prime.
Like, Ive had more fun watching Angle vs. Kane than Angle vs. Benoit a lot of the time.
They just matched up extremely well and had a good dynamic.
At a glance, it was befitting of paying off Savages intense desire to destroy Crush decisively.
It was a cool enough visual and traded visceral victory for outright humiliation.
Unfortunately, the second Savage finished, he kicked Crush and walked away.
The action knocked the knot loose and Crush simply fell to the floor.
Just laying there with a wire tied around his ankles, pretending he couldnt escape.
Its little different than if Savage won his big grudge match by tying Crushs shoelaces together.
THE PRESIDENTIAL GUEST
WWE making jokes about the president or presidential hopefuls has always been murder to watch.
Remember the Obama vs. Hillary wrestling match?
The time the actual John McCain cut a promo about sending the Undertaker after Bin Laden?
Or George W. Bush dropping n-bombs because Cryme Tyme stole his wallet?
Yeah…
AtWrestleMania X, a Bill Clinton impersonator was in attendance, passed off as the real deal.
The payoff was that IRS talked up how great a job Clinton was doing as president.
Because, you see, he was a heel.
Thats supposed to mean he was NOT a good president.
To drive it home further, he said how much he approved of how Clintons raised taxes.
The guys usually so mad.
Good God, time moves at half speed for this bout.
In the first show, he famously destroyed his opponent within seconds.
I feel bad for the guy.
THE SHAMPOO WAR
There have been many great reasons for wrestlers to battle it out atWrestleMania.
A lot of time that means jealousy of championships and stuff.
For Booker T, it was jealousy of Edge getting to star in a Japanese shampoo commercial.
No, really, thats why they were having a match at Bookers very firstWrestleMania.
Because Booker T didnt get the endorsement deal.
Whichever billionaires guy lost meant they had to get their head shaved.
Each guy had a backstage segment to build things up.
Lord knows Lashley and Umaga couldnt be trusted to do that.
Trumps was kind of lame, what with him no-selling the Boogeymans gimmick and acting nonchalant in his presence.
Vinces was far worse, mainly due to the direction.
Vince was visited by Stephanie and her baby daughter Aurora Rose.
Vince proceeded to talk to the baby about how he was going to humiliate Trump.
Lets roll our eyes and roll along.
Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow worked.
Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather worked.
Hugh Jackman suckerpunching Dolph Ziggler worked.
Its all about the context and the story being told.
We all deserved better.
What sucked was the match itself.
I was playingCandy Crush Soda.
RUN DMCS WRESTLEMANIA RAP
Run DMC showing up to rap atWrestleManiashould have been the coolest thing ever.
Even their take on the DX theme still holds up as pretty awesome.
Their hyped appearance atWrestleMania Vleft a lot to be desired.
Like if someone explained the idea of wrestling to them in thirty seconds and they wrote around that.
No specifics about the show or anything.
Just random references to piledrivers, bodyslams, and, Whos gonna lose?!
The crowd wasnt so into it either.
HOGAN FORGETS WHERE HE IS
The opening promo forWrestleMania XXXwas basic, but brilliant.
It was WWEs Mount Rushmore in action, palling around and celebrating the show of shows.
Its absolutely hilarious, but I kind of have to call it out.
No, for real.
If you have the WWE connection, go find that promo from before the match.
By being the ring announcer, Combs used theFamily Feudsurvey gimmick to make fun of the heels.
Like after insulting the Mountie, hed just go, Its the survey!
Its what the survey said!
The survey said it!
It was the survey!
He also never got around to introducing the faces, so he was pretty bad at his job.
SHAWN MICHAELS MISSES HIS MARK
WrestleMania XI
This ones minor, but it always bugged me.
Diesel defended the title against Shawn Michaels atWrestleMania.
Michaels had Sid in his corner.
Wrestling logic states that someone has to hit that buckle, much like Chekhovs gun.
Unfortunately, they screwed up the distance.
Diesels win was completely decisive and Sids appearance in the match was totally pointless.
Michaels couldnt even blame Sid for failing him, so their immediate split was pretty funny.
Hulk Hogans not a racist, even though he literally said he is!
TwoWrestleManiamoments popped into my head when that happened.
One was Hogan yelling, THANK GOD DONALD TRUMPS A HULKAMANIAC!
but thats not going to be on this list because thats one of the best promos ever.
It involved Hogan pretending to do the backstroke so that leave the room.
The other is a promo he did in the middle ofWrestleMania IX.
After all, hes Hulk freaking Hogan.
The problem was his choice of words.
Thats why right now, Bret Hart, Im issuing the challenge to either you or the Jap!
NO CAPTAIN MEANS NO MATCH
Sometimes matches have to be cut due to time.
Its understandable, as long as it isnt because of some lame sketch or musical performance.
At least just tell us that the match will be removed because of time constraints.
Good going, guys.
WRESTLEMANIA CHANGES VENUES
Let it be said that theres two kinds of heel heat in wrestling.
In other words, X-Pac Heat.
The big villain of early 1991 was Sergeant Slaughter.
In-between, there were some growing pains where they decided what they needed was narration.
And not cool narration by someone like Keith David.
I mean having Todd Pettengill and later Michael Cole give a shot to dramatically explain the storylines.
He wanted to show up every now and again and put over new talent.
Its a truly honorable mission statement thats given us some hits and misses due to the WWEs creative decisions.
One that Jericho admittedly regrets is losing to Fandango atWrestleMania.
Even though the way he rolled up Jericho for the surprise pin looked horrible and awkward.
Even at the next night, Fandango became a big sensation when theRawcrowd sang his theme during his match.
As the legend goes, the impact of that splash caused part of McIntyres top to snap.
That would end up being her one and onlyWrestleManiaappearance.
THE ORIGINAL INTERVIEW FORMAT
WrestleMania
It took three tries beforeWrestleManiafigured itself out.
Just stammering nervously while annoyed wrestlers would rush past him before or after their matches.
At no point would anyone acknowledge that the two wrestlers were a couple feet away the entire time.
If they did any regular interviews, they did it in a way that spoiled the matches.
They would interview the soon-to-be-loser first and after the match interview the winner.
It turned out to be two Japanese photographers who appeared to know very little, if any, English.
The other gave the most over-the-top laugh possible.
Todd then just namedropped Yokozuna because Japan and was once again rewarded with that one guys insane laughter.
Having hit his awkward quota for the day, Todd then moved on.
They were also driven to the ring in a pink Cadillac by Diamond Dallas Page, which was neat.
They screwed up their lyrics, screwed up their timing, and just came off as a mess.
Its pretty hard to watch.
Luckily, the Bushwackers showed up to destroy their guitars and at least make it fun.
I wouldnt have minded When the Man Comes Around, personally.
Months later, NBC aired a one-hourWrestleManiaspecial based on showing the highlights of that show.
They didnt even just overlay Undertakers main theme.
They used ET by Katy Perry.
A heel who said that bigotry was wrong and then turned out to be a literal terrorist.
It was cringeworthy and gross.
Also cringeworthy and gross?
Eugene, the mentally-challenged nephew of Eric Bischoff.
Put the two of them in one segment?
Now you got a stew going.
Eugene came out to talk about all the sweet moments ofWrestleManiapast.
Hassan walked out, angry that he didnt get to be in a match and instead beat up Eugene.
He was then beaten up by Hulk Hogan, who thankfully has nothing problematic to his name.
Then Nicole Bass made her debut via run-in and Im done.
HACKSAW TRIPS OVER HIS PATRIOTISM
A couple entries back I mentioned the idea of singing badly for heel heat.
When he pulled that atWrestleMania III, noted boogermeister Jim Duggan ran out to stop him.
The patriotic American was going to shut up the loud and obnoxious Russian.
The land of the free!
Ix-nay on the whole eedom of speech-fray, Jim.
BRODUS CLAYS MOMMA
The behind-the-scenes guys were all, Hey, were running low on time.
Either let Brodus Clay dance with old women or I walk!
Yes sir, Mr. Cena!
Then a year later, his match was pulled for time.
This segments going to raiseso many questionsa generation or so down the line.
The match ended in mere moments and had the Warrior completely no-sell the Pedigree.
But really, its kind of foreboding.
Its like this is where it all began.
At the end, Hornswoggle showed up and…really, I can just stop there.
Thats all you better know.
WWF WRESTLEMANIA FOR THE NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM
Listen, its calledWrestleMania.
It also featured terrible gameplay that was lessPro Wrestlingand more like a frustrating version ofDouble Dragon.
Man, this was one of those rentals where you knew that your weekend was busted.
Maybe his opponent is injured or theres an air of mystery or hes paid by appearance.
Either way, they have to sell an upcoming match with minimal-to-zero interaction.
Triple H and Sting was another match and featured Sting a couple times.
That meant having to rely more on Triple H and Stephanie promos.
Then Bray Wyatt spent weeks cutting promo after promo about wanting to face the Undertaker.
So instead, he set a rocking chair on fire with lightning and that was good enough.
Piper was out of shape, but he at least had the effort.
Snuka, on the other hand, looked like Hell.
At 65, he kind of staggered around the ring like someone covered in cement.
Rigor mortis had already kicked in.
Thankfully, he was the first opponent taken out by Jericho.
Orton defeated his partners decisively and moved on with his career, finding new life as a top face.
While the match itself was good, the stuff surrounding it is a bit hard to look back on.
For a long while, Orton commanded Rhodes and Dibiase and they worked as a strong trio.
Then the cracks started to surface and Orton started to go over-the-line.
The crowd was certainly rabid for it.
Another time, Orton RKOd Dusty Rhodes and the crowd chanted for Cody, hoping hed do something.
On replays, they replaced it with a CENA!
Orton standing tall perfectly showed off how ineffectual the writing staff was around that time.
ANIMALS ELIMINATION
WrestleMania 22
The dark match for this event was a bigRawvs.SmackDownbattle royal.
Animal lasted to the end, facing the heel duo of Viscera and Snitsky.
Viscera carried Animal on his shoulders and Snitsky shoved him.
Snitsky and Viscera suddenly stiffened up, not knowing what to do.
They improvised and Viscera ended up winning despite being an extra-large jobber.
CESAROS TICKET TO OBLIVION
In the pre-show forWrestleMania XXX, Cesaro broke up with his tag partner Jack Swagger.
Later in the night, Cesaro became an extra name in the Andre Battle Royal.
So how did WWE capitalize on this star-making development?
It was so mind-blowingly screwy that Steve Austin had to rant about it to Vince during his podcast interview.
BIG SHOW VS. AKEBONO
Big Show saw Akebono around and was all, Hey, youre pretty cool.
Want to go do a sumo match?
The only real highlight was Big Show breaking into his taunt during the very brief match.
Its just that the entire crowd was too spent to care.
Triple Hs win had too little drama and simply didnt measure up to the epic Hogan/Rock dream match.
Dont know what they were thinking about putting Jericho and I as the main event.
The whole thing was boring and aimless.
The idea was that there was a 15-minute time limit.
During that time, you had to pin the champion.
If you did that, then you became the target.
Crash was the champ at the time and Tazz put him in the Tazzmission.
Hardcore Holly took a jar of candy, shattered it over Tazzs face and went to pin Crash.
The plan was for Hardcore to be too late and have the buzzer go off mid-pin.
BLACK AND WHITE PIPER
And now Roddy Pipers inexplicable blackface.
Piper decided to double down (or half down?)
in response by showing up atWrestleManiawith half of himself painted black.
It was never fully explained why he did that.
Something about how it doesnt matter if youre black or white or whatever.
Either way, its one of thoseWrestleManiaMoments WWE doesnt really like to focus on.
The feud simply ended.
Piper was the guest referee.
Bret would later call that the worst match of his career.
THAT WAS NEVER NINE SECONDS
Wrestling is a house of lies.
Everything is about suspension of disbelief and accepting fiction, much like other forms of entertainment.
Its okay for them to lie to us all the time.
The caveat is when the lie is something directly in our faces.
In a situation like that, youd have to call bullshit.
Thats how I feel about Bundy vs. Special Delivery Jones at the firstWrestleMania.
Bless em for that.
Unfortunately, they kept insisting, for whatever reason, that the match was nine seconds long.
Except the match itself was twenty-four seconds.
Even without a stopwatch, anyone could tell that twenty-four seconds does not feel like nine seconds.
You had him squash Jones in under half a minute.
You dont need to insult us.
There was no angle going into it and the whole thing was over in four minutes.
It was just a thing that happened featuring some guys from Japan.
This included talking to Tenryu and Kotao, except they didnt speak English.
Realizing he was backed into a corner, Regis then started going the racist route by saying, Toyota!
to get some kind of reaction out of them.
Then he started talking to them like Tarzan and, yeah, lets just go to the next one.
Chicago had Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene, and Cathy Lee Crosby.
Crosby was completely forgettable due to rarely ever having anything to say.
Cant get in trouble if you keep your mouth shut.
Or, should I say:uh oh.
The team was Vince McMahon and Susan St. James, a minor celebrity who starred in a forgotten sitcom.
Donovan a decade later.
St. James spent her entire time on commentary repeating Uh oh!
No matter what happened, she would just yell that exclamation.
Though to be fair, shed take a break now and again to say, Watch this!
or refer to Mr. Fuji as being Chinese.
First, Rock would attack John Cena during a title match.
Second, they would have a match and Rock would win, deemed Once in a Lifetime.
Third, they would have a rematch for the title and Cena would win.
At least Punk had his success.
He really caught on and they pushed him into the main event.
He was the breath of fresh air they needed.
Unfortunately, they were so set in Rock vs. Cena II that they couldnt pull the trigger on Ryback.
Instead, he just lost all of his title matches for one reason or another.
I have no idea.
Regardless, Ryback then turned heel, lost a feud to Cena and fell down into midcard Hell.
SHAWN MICHAELS VS. EL MATADOR
Michaels vs. Tito Santana is one of those matches that should have been awesome.
Its the very definition of an early-90s hot opener.
Instead, the two guys could simply not get on the same page.
Michaels would point out in his autobiography that he felt completely disappointed in what a dud this match was.
By the second match, they caught on and either moved the fan or fixed the sound.
went about a half hour after 11.
WrestleMania 32lasted six and a half hours.
God help us…
51.
Steve Austin was the referee and even the barber chair got an entrance.
Normally, he would have just been yet another celebrity having fun in the background of aWrestleManiamatch.
Too bad they decided to have him actually be active.
Then after the match, Austin kicked Trump and delivered a Stunner.
It…wasnt pretty.
Say what you will about Shane McMahons punching ability.
At least he could sell a Stunner.
As I said earlier, the storyline for Triple H vs. Chris Jericho was especially bad.
Like Stephanie applying ointment to herself because she was breaking into hives.WRESTLEMANIA!!
I just looked up the lyrics to the song.
but thanks for giving us a joke that writes itself.
Like the time John Cena stripped Michael Cole to his underwear and covered him in barbecue sauce.
Finally, it reached the arena and Piper laid into Goldusts balls like crazy.
It went from, Thatll teach him!
to, Um, okay, this is kind of hard to watch.
Especially when Piper stripped off Goldusts outfit to reveal lingerie underneath.
So where did the year take him?
Well…to the opening match.
Thats a drop if there ever was one.
Stings even more when you remember that that was Eddies finalWrestleManiaappearance.
There is so much potential in an idea like that.
The battle royal itself lasted just over four minutes.
When they had the title match, it didnt even last four minutes.
DLo and Test lost.
I suppose that would make sense.
Now these two guys had a legit beef with each other and this could springboard them into a feud.
They didnt even feud after that?
It was just completely pointless and didnt build into anything?
A lot of the guff Triple H gets for holding down talent comes from the way he words stuff.
Thats not really helpful.
Triple H was going intoWrestleManiawith the beginning of a rivalry with Sheamus.
As expected, this was going to stretch on for the next couple months.
In fact, Sheamus put Triple H on the shelf via an attack with a pipe in their rematch.
But it didnt matter.
And Sheamus indeed lost.
It didnt matter that they kept going.
They already deflected the stakes into the match that Triple H won, so whats the point?
All while starring in their own brilliant web showThe Dirt Sheet.
As World Tag Team Champions, they got into it with WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo.
Yes, there was a point where there were two separate tag titles.
Despite being kind of important, the match was then shoved into the pre-show due to time restraints.
This was just a dark match.
The best you could do was wait for the DVD to be released and watch it from there.
As for what knocked them off the show…?
Well get to that later down the list.
MARY TYLER MOORE
There are few moments as awkward in wrestling as Mary Tyler Moore atWrestleMania.
I would rather watch Sid Vicious leg snap in half than have to relive this interview segment.
Its easier to get through.
Sean Mooney noticed Mary Tyler Moore near the front row and decided to chat with her.
She started off talking up the experience, but it was pretty apparent that she simply didnt follow wrestling.
Mooney didnt catch on and kept prodding her, like asking if shed be there forWrestleMania VII.
Then he started grilling her about Rhythm and Blues, who had yet to come out.
Moore smiled and tried to fake her way into answering correctly.
By the time he realized he was only getting one-word answers, Mooney thankfully moved on.
The BFFs teamed up atWrestleManiato challenge for the tag titles and let loose with a surprisingly solid match.
Mainly because Hogan didnt do his usual singles match bullshit and allowed everyone else to shine.
The tag titles werent in the cards, though, and the Mega Maniacs had to lose.
And so they did, in the most ridiculous way possible.
Jimmy Hart removed his jacket and put it on inside-out so that it was striped.
He counted the pin and they celebrated as if they won the belts.
Another referee arrived to disqualify them.
The celebration involved opening up IRS briefcase to find a bunch of money.
Hogan held said money while making thrusting motions.
Beefcake also tried to convince Hogan to join him in cutting and strutting.
It just kept going and kept getting more and more surreal.
Rather than pinfalls or submissions, all you had to do was throw your opponent out of the ring.
Not even over the top rope.
Kat was accompanied by Mae Young while Terri had Fabulous Moolah in her corner.
The match was thankfully brief, featuring nothing but catfight tackles and struggling.
Val turned around, ended the match and Terri won.
Afterwards, Mae hit the Bronco Buster on Moolah, poisoning libidos for years to come.
Ive been ranting about it for 25 years and I may never fully get it out of my system.
So I was hyped out of my mind for this game.
A pretty big roster, decent graphics, and the ability to doSurvivor Seriesmatches.
I couldnt wait to get my hands on this game.
I got it, took it home, and went to one-player mode.
I picked Hulk Hogan and my opponent was the Undertaker.
I ended up winning the match.
There was no title chase in this game!
No one-player mode at all!
Despite the roster, the only differences between the wrestlers were cosmetic.
Everyone was the same height, same speed, strength, and had the same exact set of moves.
There werent even finishers!
Biggest buyers remorse I had in that decade.
Fuck that game, man.
THE INSTANT REPLAY DEBATE
There are a handful ofWrestleManiamoments that are not on the version shown on the connection.
Usually, theres a good reason.
Mickie James getting explicitly grabby with Trish Stratus and then licking her hand might be a bit too risque.
Ultimo Dragon tripping over his own cape is better left on the cutting room floor.
Then theres the musical rights.
WrestleMania VIIhas a five-minute sketch that is omitted from the web link.
In fact, it only aired once on the original PPV.
Otherwise, it was missing from the VHS release, the DVD, and the box set.
And why is it missing?
Its so, so terrible.
The comedy couldnt be any dryer and flatter.
When it returned to the arena, Bobby Heenan looked embarrassed beyond belief.
THE RED ROOSTER
The writing was pretty great.
Heenan helped Rude cheat and pin the Warrior.
Warrior was meant to rough up Heenan, less than ten minutes before his match with the Rooster.
This is where the unfortunately comes in.
When they announced the person singing America the Beautiful in the opening, nobody could hear it.
There were multiple backstage segments with either no audio whatsoever or no communication between the commentators and Nicholas Turturro.
The problems were so excessive that McMahon and Lawler had to rerecord all their commentary for the video release.
Billionaire Ted acted as the referee as the two proceeded to keel over within minutes.
Lawler asked, Is this the part where the ring fills up with all the Hucksters friends?
and Vince realized, Uh, I think it did.
The whole thing wrote itself.
WrestleManiashould have been the blowoff between the two.
Instead, the two finally split during the pre-show as part of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
Mizdow got rid of Miz and then faced the Big Show.
The writing was stupid and Miz won in the end.
Then they stopped showing up on TV after Hogan became toxic from all the racist stuff.
Sandow was eventually released from WWE and went on to gain some weight and slum it in TNA.
Youd think Id be including this match because of Snooki being there, but no.
She actually did a pretty great job with her few moments of in-ring competition.
The story here comes from her teammates.
See, Trish Stratus returned for a one-offWrestleManiamatch and Morrisons girlfriend Melena was less than thrilled behind-the-scenes.
She was incredibly angry over it, feeling that Trish stole her spot.
Melena was so low on the card that she was never going to be an option.
After Snookis team won, the trio celebrated.
Trish went to go hug Morrison and he went out of his way to elude her.
NATHAN JONES FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND
WrestleMania XIX
Before he was PERFECT!
inFury Road, Nathan Jones had a brief WWE career that went nowhere.
They had to write him off by having him beat up backstage, thereby making it a handicap match.
WRESTLEMANIA: THE ALBUM
I had this album.
I was 12 years old and I had this album.
What was I thinking?
A song aboutWrestleManiathat begins with, ARE YOU READY…FOR THESURVIVOR SERIES?!
and Mena Gene asking, Who will survive?!
Bret Hart was at the show and lost his WWF Championship.
Tatanka was there and failed to win the Intercontinental Championship.
Hacksaw was selling an attack from Yokozuna and missed it completely.
The Nasty Boys missed the show and were gone within a week or so.
Big Boss Man was gone from the company weeks beforeWrestleManiaeven happened.
To make it a bigger deal, they invited names from the past.
People like Jackie Gayda, Molly Holly, Joy Giovanni, and Sunny.
Sunny, who was actually wrestling her first WWE match via this battle royal.
Meanwhile, Trish Stratus and Lita had the foresight to turn down the invitation.
Especially Lita, who found out how the match was going to end.
Just several minutes until, Oh, hey, Molly Hollys in there too.
Then she would get thrown out and nobody would pay it any mind.
In the end, it was all about getting Santino over in his twin sister persona Santina Marella.
Bam Bam had the advantage for a couple minutes and things were fine until the incredibly lame ending.
As Bam Bam ran across the ropes, Gangs manager Slick pulled down the top rope.
All the while, the ref loudly counted to ten, even while Gang was clobbering Bam Bam.
Yes, somehow standing on the apron and being kept from reentering was grounds for a count-out.
THE END OF ZACK RYDER
Zack Ryder wasnt perfect, but he was a man who deserved his success.
They finished off the Cena part of the story by having him publicly slut-shame her.
As for Ryder, he never got revenge on anyone.
Coincidentally, Eve started to befriend Ryder again.
Everyone knew where this was going and could see it coming a mile away.
It was the exclamation point on WWEs decision to ruin Ryder for daring to succeed against their intentions.
WRESTLEMANIA XIS CELEBRITY INTRO
WrestleMania XIdidnt have much going for it.
After all, its not like they had anything else to talk about.
Not with Hogan and Savage off in WCW.
Thats all they had.
The ring was filled with a bed and lots of pillows while the women were in evening gowns.
It all fell apart and the stupidity set in.
That sure was something.
THE BENOIT THING
WrestleMania XX
This ones a hard part to include and even rank.
Then the WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero ran out, the two embraced, and celebrated to end the show.
Then, over the next couple years, bad stuff happened.
Eddies body succumbed to the damages of drug abuse and Benoits own madness engulfed himself and his family.
He became the bad word of WWE.
The one they would never mention on air or even let you search for on the WWE data pipe.
That he even shows up in theWWE Encyclopediais seen as an amusing novelty.
Some people can separate Benoit the person from footage of Benoit the performer.
Most of the time, Im one of those people.
THE IRON MAN MATCH
Thats right, I said it!
WWE will always talk about how great Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels was.
Theyll call the Iron Man Match one of the best matches inWrestleManiahistory.
In WWE history, even!
Sorry if youre a fan, but I hated it.
Its a boring, plodding match where the story is that nothing happens for an hour.
And hey, bad matches will happen.
The issue is that it overwhelmed the show.WrestleMania XIIwas under three hours.
The Iron Man Match went over an hour.
Plus intros, celebrations, the ref going over the rules, and several hype videos.
One match took up about half of the entire show and that stings if you didnt dig it.
The ultimate, most vicious grudge match.
So it was really head-shakingly bad when it got wasted on this during its glory days.
Undertaker was one of the top heels.
It simply didnt work.
Both guys were heels, so the crowd didnt have a favorite.
Once it was over, Undertaker summoned the Brood to hang Boss Man from a noose.
He was murdering a man and Michael Cole downplayed it by asking if it was symbolic.
Then he happily segued into footage of fans enjoying the weekend.
but theyre usually harmless because theyre just a couple of minutes and its done.
A match that ended up being shorter than Kid Rocks time on stage.
TRIPLE H VS. STING
The hell was that?!
Sting finally appeared in WWE after being the one major WCW guy who never did.
Even ignoring Sting doing the odd Undertaker-esque stalking, the build was head-scratching.
Sting pointed out, Not really?
I cant believe youre still mad about WCW!
Thats not the story of whats happening, guys.
What, the story that WWE defeated WCW years ago and youre mad about it?
What else story would there be?
The New Age Outlaws and the New World Order brawled on the outside because…WCW?
Triple H reminded everyone he was still heel about an hour later.
and it would lead to catfights and stuff.
The two ladies, Tanya Ballinger and Kitana Baker, showed up atWrestleMania.
Then Stacy Kiebler and Torrie Wilson arrived, demanding to be added.
Seriously, go look it up if you havent seen it before.
A guy named Will Borschert won and…look at it.
Just look at that image.
When youre done reading the rest of this article, go back and look at it one more time.
He was despicable, conniving, and straight-up awesome.
On the other hand, Triple H kept getting his payback in advance.
By the time they hit the main event ofWrestleMania, there was no real gas in the tank.
Especially since it was deemed that if Orton got himself disqualified, he would lose the title.
For such a grudge match, it didnt have much of a hook.
Both guys went on to admit that they thought the entire thing was a big mistake.
People were pumped for what was going to be a great match.
Sheamus then pinned him in 18 seconds in the opening match.
WE were getting cheated out of getting to see it.
Sheamus, not so much.
Too bad the champion was nothing but a third wheel.
THE DX BAND PLAYS AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
WrestleMania XIV
All like rise… Howard Finkel
That just about says it all, doesnt it?
Its removed from the online grid version ofWrestleMania XIV, but its out there on the internet.
you’re free to take my word for it in that its unbearable.
At the end, Jim Ross tried to save it by mentioning freedom of expression.
The fans were free to express their own opinion of the performance by booing the hell out of it.
They booed America the Beautiful.
And they were right to do so!
BRET HART VS. VINCE MCMAHON
In another reality, this could have been fun.
A Bret Hart who could literally die from taking a regular bump.
The smoke and mirrors used to try and make this watchable were thin and cracked.
Then Bret beat Vince with a chair.
Long past any catharsis.
It just wouldnt end.
Bret eventually made Vince tap to the Sharpshooter, ending the nightmare.
BROCK LESNARS SHOOTING STAR PRESS
The idea was sound.
Brock Lesnar was capable of doing a Shooting Star Press and pulled it off a few times in FCW.
He dropped Kurt Angle with the second F5 and climbed the ropes.
Unfortunately, the ropes were too slick and Angle was set up too far away.
Rather than step back from the stunt, Brock jumped up and flipped forward.
He ended up missing Angle and landed headfirst into the mat.
If he didnt have an oak tree stump as a neck, it easily could have killed him.
PIPERS PIT FEATURING MORTON DOWNEY JR.
If youve never actually seen this bit, you might be confused.
Why would I include this segment?
WWE plays this one all the time as one of Pipers greatest moments.
The twenty minutes prior is why its on this list.
If you want to see Piper and Brother Love talk about kilts for too long, than go ahead.
If you want to see Brother Love run around in red underwear, then this is for you.
If you want to see Downey get sprayed with a fire extinguisher?
Just skip to the end and spare yourself of the rest of the crap.
Its pretty funny and bizarre.
MR. PERFECTS HEEL TURN
I never really cared about Lex Luger one way or the other.
Luger lost because Mr.
Perfect was brought in as the guest referee.
Cornette and Mr. Fuji tried to interfere in the ending, but Luger took care of them.
Perfect seemed too confused to know what to do and wouldnt make the count.
Luger got frustrated and put his hands on him, causing a disqualification.
Then Perfect was gone.
The intended program between the two was off the table.
What we got was Luger being screwed over and having no avenue for revenge.
Perfect was in no shape to be an opponent and Yokozuna lost the title to Bret Hart.
THAT was the final nail in Lugers coffin.
TRIPLE H VS. ROMAN REIGNS
Its funny how the story ofWrestleManiachanges over the course of three years.
InWrestleMania XXX, the fans pressured WWE into going against their usual nature.
Then cameWrestleMania 32where the companys MO was, Were fucking doing this.
Triple H no matter what.
And sure, that was the natural conclusion.
The problem came from the pairing.
They took a very basic wrestling story and made it too easy to cheer the bad guy.
After a half hour, Roman Reigns won and we could move on with our lives.
Bonus points for making the ending of the 2016 Royal Rumble match extremely predictable.
JAKE ROBERTS VS. RICK RUDE
WrestleMania IVwas all about a one-night, 14-man tournament.
Considering there were non-tournament matches in there, that meant it was going to be a long night.
They were off to a good start.
They had momentum going.
The final first round match was Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude.
The match was not only completely boring, but it absolutely killed the rest of the show.
It became a Lumberjack Match and after four minutes, it erupted into a no contest.
It was restarted as a battle royal and the Great Khali won.
In review, Daniel Bryan and Sheamus had a match and somehow the Great Khali won.
And the only way you could watch it is by buying the DVD set of maybe the worstWrestleManiaever.
Giant Gonzalez WCWs El Gigante repackaged was brought in to tear him apart atRoyal Rumble 93.
Goofy appearance aside, it did a good job doing what it was supposed to do.
Then it came time for their match and hoooooly shit was it a stinker.
They made sure never to mention that whenever the Streak came up.
Then Sid turned on Hogan in a tag match after Hogan kept talking over him in the pre-match promo.
Regardless, Hogan singlehandedly beat up his opponents of Ric Flair and the Undertaker.
Which was somehow the main event.
It was also built up as Hogans possibly final match.
It was basic, even for a Hogan match.
He missed his cue, so Sid kicked out.
Papa Shango finally arrived, followed soon after by the random return of the Ultimate Warrior.
Meanwhile, Randy Savage won the WWF Championshipmidwaythrough the show.
EDGE VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO
In a vacuum, Edge vs. Del Rio is a good match.
A great match, even.
But context is a thing that exists and with context, this ones frustrating.
WWE had been building up Alberto Del Rio like crazy.
He was protected, went over Rey Mysterio immediately, and won the big 40-man Royal Rumble.
Del Rio beating Edge atWrestleManiaseemed like a sure thing because it was the absolute right thing to do.
ESPECIALLY when they chose to have him lose to Edges buddy Christian several times going into the show.
Not having him beat Edge after that would just be bewildering.
Then he lost to Edge cleanly.
Then Edge and Christian proceeded to utterly humiliate Del Rio by destroying his car.
Christian proceeded to defeat Del Rio for the vacant title and was immediately jobbed out to Randy Orton.
BART GUNN VS. BUTTERBEAN
Wrestling is pre-determined for a reason andBrawl for Allis that reason.
WWF decided to hold a legitimate MMA/boxing hybrid tournament on the undercard for several months.
Bart proceeded to win the rest of the tournament.
A tournament that put several people on the shelf because, again, it was REAL FIGHTING.
Except Brock also wanted out as he was sick of the wrestling schedule and all the traveling.
He was granted his release withWrestleManiabeing his final show.
The crowd was not happy and they let the two wrestlers know.
Goldberg ended up winning because he at least gave notice.
The only beloved name in this match was Steve Austin, the guest referee.
One of the biggest dream matches in wrestling history and it was a total joke.
Thank God theyre never going to try that agOH GOD DAMN IT!
Having your play-by-play guy play an obnoxious heel is never a good idea, especially when theres minimal comeuppance.
Watching PPVs from that era is rough.
That was what made this match seem must-watch.
Michael Cole was finally going to get destroyed by Jerry Lawler.
Sadly, that wasnt the end.
Hogan was instantly on top again after they spent months building up Bret as the next big thing.
Still, I can defend it because in terms of the original plan, it was the perfect setup.
It would have been a great storyline andWrestleMania IXwouldnt have been remembered for Hogans political bullshit.
The whole thing was a gigantic mess and its badness is legendary.
That was what the story was.
While 99% of wrestlers would be able to kick out after all that recovery, Booker T didnt.
The match was over, the feud was over, and both guys moved on.
The claim that Triple H buries people gets thrown around a lot, but man, Booker T gotburied.
THOSE POOR, POOR NEW YORKERS
Ive just spent over 17,000 words badmouthing WWEs decisions and situations.
The great thing about it is that theres noWrestleManiathats completely bad.
They all have their silver linings.
EvenWrestleMania 2had some good stuff mixed in there.
New York, though?
They got the shaft and they got it bad.
Like the other two venues, they got four matches.
In fact, the jurys still out on that one.
That one was five minutes.
Then the main event.
Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T in a boxing match.
That was the show for the New York crowd.
Twelve and a half minutes of bad wrestling followed by thirteen minutes of bad fake boxing.
Then they got to sit around and watch projections of the betterWrestleMania 2cards going on across the country.
On the bright side, at least they didnt have to listen to Susan St. James!
